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- Programming
- [Computers] > [Software] > Programming
- http://prog21.dadgum.com/ - Programming in the 21st Century - It's not about technology for its own sake. It's about being able to implement your own ideas.
- Coding Guidelines: Finding the Art in the Science - What separates good code from great code? - http://queue.acm.org/detail.cfm?id=2063168
- !The Way
- [Codd's 12 rules|http://luna.pepperdine.edu/~ckettemb/class/Codd12R.html] : Dr. E. F. Codd, the originator of the relational data model, published a two-part article in ComputerWorld (Codd, 1985) that lists 12 rules for how to determine whether a DBMS is relational and to what extent it is relational.
- [The Eight Fallacies of Distributed Computing|http://today.java.net/jag/Fallacies.html]
- [Lord Palmerston on Programming|http://www.joelonsoftware.com/articles/LordPalmerston.html]
- [The Cathedral and the Bazaar]
- [The Elements of Style]
- [The Programmers' Stone]
- [The Software Conspiracy]
- [John F. Woods] : Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be violent psychopath who knows where you live
- The Software Conspiracy
- [Programming] > The Software Conspiracy
- http://www.softwareconspiracy.com/
- Why Software Companies Put Out Faulty Products, How They Can Hurt You, And What You Can Do About It
- The University of Hard Knocks
- [Books] > The University of Hard Knocks
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- The University of Hard Knocks
- The School That Completes Our Education
- "Sweet are the uses of adversity;
- Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
- the United States and have listened to "The University of Hard
- institutes, club gatherings, conventions and before various other
- "Can I get the lecture in book form?" That continuous question from
- audiences brought out this book in response. Here is the overflow
- "What is written here is not the way I would write it, were I
- writing a book," says Ralph Parlette. "It is the way I say it. The
- audience makes a lecture, if the lecture survives. I wish I could
- shake the hand of every person who has sat in my audiences. And I
- wish I could tell the lecture committees of America how I
- appreciate the vast amount of altruistic work they have done in
- bringing the audiences of America together. For lecture audiences
- are not drawn together, they are pushed together."
- The warm reception given "The University of Hard Knocks" by the
- public, has encouraged the publishers to put more of Mr. Parlette's
- are now in preparation as this, the third edition of "The
- University of Hard Knocks" comes from the press.
- SOME PRELIMINARY REMARKS--The lecturer the delivery wagon--The
- The University of Hard Knocks
- I. THE BOOKS ARE BUMPS--Every bump a lesson--Why the two kinds of
- bumps--Description of University--"Sweet are the uses of
- II. THE COLLEGE OF NEEDLESS KNOCKS, the bumps that we bump
- into--Getting the coffee-pot--Teaching a wilful child--Bumps make
- requires effort--Prodigals must be bumped--The fly and the sticky
- III. THE COLLEGE OF NEEDFUL KNOCKS, the bumps that bump into
- us--Our sorrows and disappointments--How the piano was made--How
- the "red mud" becomes razor-blades--The world our mirror--The
- cripple taught by the bumps--Every bump brings a blessing--You are
- IV. "SHAKE THE BARREL"--How we decide our destinies--Why the big
- ones shake up and the little ones shake down--The barrel of life
- and bad luck--The girl who went up--The man who went down--The
- equalize--Help people to help themselves--We cannot get things till
- we get ready for them
- There is no top--We make ourselves great by service--the
- VI. THE PROBLEM OF "PREPAREDNESS"--Preparing children for
- children--The story of "Gussie" and "Bill Whackem"--Schools and
- Helping the turkeys killed them--the happiness of work we love--
- Amusement drunkards--Lure of the city--Strong men from the
- Must save the home towns--A school of struggle--New School
- VII. THE SALVATION OF A "SUCKER"--You can't get something for
- nothing--The fiddle and the tuning--How we know things--Trimmed at
- the shell game--My "fool drawer"--Getting "selected to receive
- orations--My maiden sermon--The books that live have been
- experience--Theory and practice--Tuning the strings of life
- VIII. LOOKING BACKWARD--Memories of the price we pay--My first
- school teaching--Loaning the deacon my money--Calling the roll of
- my schoolmates--At the grave of the boy I had envied--Why Ben Hur
- won the chariot race--Pulling on the oar
- IX. GO ON SOUTH!--The book in the running brook--The Mississippi
- but stop--Few go on south--The plague of incompetents--Today our
- eighty--Too busy to bury--Sympathy for the "sob squad"--Child sees
- worst days, not best--Waiting for the second table--Better days on
- principle, not praise--Doing duty for the joy of it--Becoming the
- "Father of Waters"--Go on south forever!
- X. GOING UP LIFE'S MOUNTAIN--The defeats that are victories--
- Climbing Mount Lowe--Getting above the clouds into the sunshine--
- Each day we rise to larger vision--Getting above the night into
- the eternal day--Going south is going upward
- only the delivery wagon. When the delivery wagon comes to your
- the goods it brings you. You know some very good goods are
- So in this lecture, please do not pay any attention to the delivery
- not pay much attention to the wrappings and strings. Get inside to
- the goods.
- Really, I believe the goods are good. I believe I am to recite to
- you some of the multiplication table of life--not mine, not yours
- Can Only Pull the Plug!
- lecture go differently before every audience. The kind of an
- audience is just as important as the kind of a lecture. A cold
- When I was a boy we had a barrel of sorghum in the woodshed. When
- mother wanted to make ginger-bread or cookies, she would send me to
- the woodshed to get a bucket of sorghum from that barrel.
- Some warm September day I would pull the plug from the barrel and
- the sorghum would fairly squirt into my bucket. Later in the fall
- when it was colder, I would pull the plug but the sorghum would not
- cold winter day I would pull the plug, but the sorghum would not
- I discovered it was the temperature.
- I have brought a barrel of sorghum to this audience. The name of
- the sorghum is "The University of Hard Knocks." I can only pull the
- plug. I cannot make it run. That will depend upon the temperature
- No matter how the sorghum runs, you have to have a bucket to get
- it. How much any one gets out of a lecture depends also upon the
- size of the bucket he brings to get it in. A big bucket can get
- filled at a very small stream. A little bucket gets little at the
- the next person says he got nothing out of it.
- growing up from the Finite to the Infinite, and that it is done by
- success rule can alone solve the problem. You must average it all
- We are told that the stomach needs bulk as well as nutriment. It
- would not prosper with the necessary elements in their condensed
- form. So abstract truths in their lowest terms do not always
- promote mental digestion like more bulk in the way of pictures and
- discussions of these truths. Here is bulk as well as nutriment.
- If you get the feeling that the first personal pronoun is being
- lecture. You cannot confess without referring to the confesser.
- I believe in the Angel of Good inside every block of human marble.
- I believe it must be carved out in The University of Hard Knocks.
- hypocrisy and human frailty are the Outside that must be chipped
- I believe the Hard Knocks cannot injure the Angel, but can only
- see more of the Angel in you.
- The University of Hard Knocks
- The Books Are Bumps
- THE greatest school is the University of Hard Knocks. Its books are
- Every bump is a lesson. If we learn the lesson with one bump, we do
- it. They do not waste the bumps. We get promoted to the next bump.
- But if we are "naturally bright," or there is something else the
- matter with us, so that we do not learn the lesson of the bump we
- have just gotten, then that bump must come back and bump us again.
- The tuition in the University of Hard Knocks is not free.
- Experience is the dearest teacher in the world. Most of us spend
- our lives in the A-B-C's of getting started.
- We matriculate in the cradle.
- We never graduate. When we stop learning we are due for another
- There are two kinds of people--wise people and fools. The fools are
- the people who think they have graduated.
- The playground is all of God's universe.
- The university colors are black and blue.
- The yell is "ouch" repeated ad lib.
- The Need of the Bumps
- When I was thirteen I knew a great deal more than I do now. There
- "Sweet are the uses of adversity;
- Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
- no running brooks. They'd get wet. And that sermons in stones! They
- get preachers to preach sermons, and they build houses out of
- But I am happy today that I have traveled a little farther. I am
- happy that I have begun to learn the lessons from the bumps. I am
- happy that I am learning the sweet tho painful lessons of the
- preaching and every running brook the unfolding of a book.
- I was not interested when father and mother told me these things.
- I knew they meant all right, but the world had moved since they were
- It is so hard to tell young people anything. They know better. So
- they have to get bumped just where we got bumped, to learn that two
- But if you will remember some of these things, they will feel like
- poultices by and by when the bumps come.
- The Two Colleges
- We discover, in other words, that The University of Hard Knocks has
- two colleges--The College of Needless Knocks and The College of
- The College of Needless Knocks
- The Bumps That We Bump Into
- NEARLY all the bumps we get are Needless Knocks.
- There comes a vivid memory of one of my early Needless Knocks as I
- say that. It was back at the time when I was trying to run our home
- to suit myself. I sat in the highest chair in the family circle. I
- That day they had the little joy and sunshine of the family in his
- high-chair throne right up beside the dinner table. The coffee-pot
- coffee-pot in my business. I reached over to get the coffee-pot.
- Then I discovered a woman beside me, my mother. She was the most
- And that day when I wanted the coffee-pot--I did want it. Nobody
- The longer I thought about it the more angry I became. What right
- has that woman to meddle into my affairs all the time? I have stood
- I stopped it. I got the coffee-pot. I know I got the coffee-pot. I
- got it. I got about a gallon of the reddest, hottest coffee a bad
- There were weeks after that when I was upholstered. They put
- anything else the neighbors could think of. They would bring it
- over and rub it on the little joy and sunshine of the family, who
- You see, my mother's way was to tell me and then let me do as I
- pleased. She told me not to get the coffee-pot and then let me get
- it, knowing that it would burn me. She would say, "Don't." Then she
- Why don't mothers knit today?
- Mother would say, "Don't fall in the well." I could go and jump in
- the well after that and she would not look at me. I do not argue
- that this is the way to raise children, but I insist that this was
- the most kind and effective way to rear one stubborn boy I know of.
- The neighbors and the ladies' aid society often said my mother was
- cruel with that angel child. But the neighbors did not know what
- kind of an insect mother was trying to raise. Mother did know. She
- knew how stubborn and self-willed I was. It came from father's
- "side of the house."
- Mother knew that to argue with me was to flatter me. Tell me, serve
- notice upon me, and then let me go ahead and get my coffee-pot.
- That was the quickest and kindest way to teach me.
- I learned very quickly that if I did not hear mother, and heed, a
- my mother that a coffee-pot of some kind did not spill upon me, and I
- got my blisters. Mother did not inflict them. Mother was not much of an
- inflicter. Father attended to that in the laboratory behind the
- And thru the bumps we learn that The College of Needless Knocks
- runs on the same plan. The Voice of Wisdom says to each of us,
- "Child of humanity, do right, walk in the right path. You will be
- wiser and happier." The tongues in the trees, the books in the
- running brooks and the sermons in the stones all repeat it.
- But we are not compelled to walk in the right path. We are free
- We get off the right path. We go down forbidden paths. They seem
- And going down the wrong path, we get bumped harder and harder
- We are lucky if we learn the lesson with one bump. We are unlucky
- when we get bumped twice in the same place, for it means we are
- to learn the lesson of the bump and find the right path, so that
- The seeress is the soothing syrup for mental infants.
- The other day I watched a blind man go down the aisle of the car to
- get off the train. Did you ever study the walk of a blind man? He
- seat. Then he did what every blind man does, he lifted his hand
- his lesson with one bump, and you have to go bumping into the same
- Let me repeat, things that go downward will run themselves. Things
- movements--things that go upward--never run themselves. They must
- be pushed all the time.
- If you are making no effort in your life, if you are moving in the
- Look out for the bumps!
- Look over your community. Note the handful of brave, faithful,
- unselfish souls who are carrying the community burdens and pushing
- upward. Note the multitude making little or no effort, and even
- getting in the way of the pushers.
- Majorities do not rule. Majorities never have ruled. It is the
- the tomorrow of communities that go upward. Majorities are not
- willing to make the effort to rule themselves. They are content to
- for nothing. They must be led--sometimes driven--by minorities.
- People are like sheep. The shepherd can lead them to heaven--or to
- Bumping the Prodigals
- Human life is the story of the Prodigal Son. We look over the fence
- of goodness into the mystery of the great unknown world beyond and
- Down the great white way of the world go the million prodigals,
- seeking happiness where nobody ever found happiness. Their days
- fill up with disappointment, their vision becomes dulled. They
- become anaemic feeding upon the husks.
- They just must get their coffee-pot!
- How they must be bumped to think upon their ways. Every time we do
- bumped on the outside, but we always get bumped on the inside. A
- bump on the conscience is worse than a bump on the "noodle."
- "I can do wrong and not get bumped. I have no feelings upon the
- the subject. You have pounded your soul into a jelly. You don't
- How the old devil works day and night to keep people amused and
- so that they will not think upon their ways! How he keeps the music
- and the dazzle going so they will not see they are bumping
- themselves!
- Consider the Sticky Flypaper
- Did you ever watch a fly get his Needless Knocks on the sticky
- The last thing Mamma Fly said as Johnny went off to the city was,
- "Remember, son, to stay away from the sticky flypaper. That is
- where your poor dear father was lost." And Johnny Fly remembers for
- several minutes. But when he sees all the smart young flies of his
- set go over to the flypaper, he goes over, too. He gazes down at
- his face in the stickiness. "Ah! how pretty I am! This sticky
- stuck a bit. Mother is such a silly old worryer. She means all
- can't catch us. They were too strict with me back home."
- You see Johnny fly back and forth and have the time of his
- lands in the stickiness. "Well, well, how nice this is on the feet,
- feet down in the stickiness. It is harder to pull them out. Then he
- puts three down and puts down a few more trying to pull them out.
- doesn't pull loose. He feels tired and he sits down in the sticky
- flies are around him. He does like the company. They all feel the
- same way--they can play in the sticky flypaper or let it alone,
- just as they please, for they are strong-minded flies. They have
- another drink and sing, "We won't go home till morning."
- Most of them stay. They just settle down into the stickiness
- The tuition in The College of Needless Knocks is very high indeed!
- The man who goes to jail ought to congratulate himself if he is
- guilty. It is the man who does not get discovered who is to be
- The world loves to write resolutions of respect. How often we
- when we might reasonably ask whether the victim was "removed" or
- There is a good deal of suicide charged up to Providence.
- The College of Needful Knocks
- The Bumps That Bump Into Us
- BUT occasionally all of us get bumps that we do not bump into. They
- bump into us. They are the guideboard knocks that point us to the
- You were bumped yesterday or years ago. Maybe the wound has not yet
- You were doing right--doing just the best you knew how--and yet
- We all must learn, if we have not already learned, that these blows
- are lessons in The College of Needful Knocks. They point upward to
- In other words, we are raw material. You know what raw material
- The clothing we wear, the food we eat, the house we live in, all
- have to have the Needful Knocks to become useful. And so does
- humanity need the same preparation for greater usefulness.
- I should like to know every person in this audience. But the ones
- I should most appreciate knowing are the ones who have known the
- most of these knocks--who have faced the great crises of life and
- have been tried in the crucibles of affliction. For I am learning
- that these lives are the gold tried in the fire.
- The Sorrows of the Piano
- See the piano on this stage? Good evening, Mr. Piano. I am glad to
- here. This is no reflection upon the janitor. You became a piano by
- the Needful Knocks.
- Did you get the meaning of that, children? I hope you are green.
- There you stood in the forest, a perfectly good, green young tree.
- were the best young tree you could be.
- That is why you were bumped--because you were good! There came a
- man into the woods with an ax, and he looked for the best trees
- there to bump. He bumped you--hit you with the ax! How it hurt you!
- And how unjust it was! He kept on hitting you. "The operation was
- It is a very sad story. They took you all bumped and bleeding to
- the sawmill and they bumped and ripped you more. They cut you in
- They did not bump the little, crooked, dissipated, cigaret-stunted
- trees. They were not worth bumping.
- bumped here. All the beauty, harmony and value were bumped into you.
- The Sufferings of the Red Mud
- One day I was up the Missabe road about a hundred miles north of
- Duluth, Minnesota, and came to a hole in the ground. It was a big
- hole--about a half-mile of hole. There were steam-shovels at work
- "Kind sir, why are they throwing that red mud out of that hole?" I
- "That hain't red mud. That's iron ore, an' it's the best iron ore
- in the world."
- "It hain't worth nothin' here; that's why they're movin' it away."
- There's red mud around every community that "hain't worth nothin'"
- of this same red mud. It had been moved over the Great Lakes and
- the rails to what they call a blast furnace, the technological name
- of which being The College of Needful Knocks for Red Mud.
- limestone, charcoal and other textbooks. Then they corked it up and
- school began. They roasted it. It is a great thing to be roasted.
- When it was done roasting they stopped. Have you noticed that they
- Then they pulled the plug out of the bottom of the college and held
- promotion exercises. The red mud squirted out into the sand. It was
- Some of the pig iron went into another department, a big teakettle,
- Some of the sophomore steel went up into another grade where it was
- It seemed as tho I could hear the suffering red mud crying out, "O,
- why did they take me away from my happy hole-in-the-ground? Why do
- they pound me and break my heart? I have been good and faithful. O,
- why do they roast me? O, I'll never get over this!"
- But after they had given it a diploma--a pricemark telling how much
- it had been roasted--they took it proudly all over the world,
- labeled "Made in America." They hung it in show windows, they put
- fine work!" They paid much money for it now. They paid the most
- money for what had been roasted the most.
- the price had gone up into thousands of dollars.
- My friends, you and I are the raw material, the green trees, the
- red mud. The Needful Knocks are necessary to make us serviceable.
- a larger life. The diamond and the chunk of soft coal are exactly the
- same material, say the chemists. But the diamond has gone to The College
- of Needful Knocks more than has her crude sister of the coal-scuttle.
- There is no human diamond that has not been crystallized in the
- crucibles of affliction. There is no gold that has not been refined
- in the fire.
- Illinois, a crippled woman was wheeled into the tent and brought
- right down to the foot of the platform. The subject was The
- University of Hard Knocks. Presently the cripple's face was shining
- brighter than the footlights.
- She knew about the knocks!
- coming here. I have the feeling that I spoke the words, but you are
- the lecture itself."
- What a smile she gave me! "Yes, I know about the hard knocks," she
- They told me this crippled woman was the sweetest-spirited,
- best-loved person in the town.
- But her mother petulantly interrupted me. She had wheeled the
- cripple into the tent. She was tall and stately. She was
- well-gowned. She lived in one of the finest homes in the city. She
- buy the frown from her face.
- What would you have said? Just on the spur of the moment--I said,
- "Madam, I don't want to be unkind, but I really think the reason
- right, I need another bump.
- The cripple girl had traveled ahead of her jealous mother. For
- to congratulate the patients lying there. They are learning the
- They are getting the education in the humanities the world needs
- sympathize. They are to become a precious part of our population.
- The world needs them more than libraries and foundations.
- The Silver Lining
- There is no backward step in life. Whatever experiences come to us
- them.
- We think this is true of the good things that come to us, but we do
- not want to think so of the bad things. Yet we grow more in lean
- this Babylon that I have builded?" And about that time there comes
- some handwriting on the wall and a bump to save us.
- now. A conflagration might sweep your town from the map. Your
- name might be tarnished. Bereavement might take from you the one
- You would never know how many real friends you have until then. But
- for it is not true. The old enemy of humanity wants you to believe
- The truth is, another chapter of your real education has been
- opened. Will you read the lesson of the Needful Knocks?
- other public disaster brings sympathy, bravery, brotherhood and
- There is a silver lining to every hard knocks cloud.
- Out of the trenches of the Great War come nations chastened by
- sacrifice and purged of their dross.
- "Shake The Barrel"
- NOW as we learn the lessons of the Needless and the Needful Knocks,
- One day the train stopped at a station to take water. Beside the
- track was a grocery with a row of barrels of apples in front. There
- a sack of the big, red, fat apples. Later as the train was under
- way, I looked in the sack and discovered there was not a big, red,
- fat apple there.
- All I could figure out was that there was only one layer of the
- big, red, fat apples on the top, and the groceryman, not desiring
- to spoil his sign, had reached down under the top layer. He must
- have reached to the bottom, for he gave me the worst mess of runts
- and windfalls I ever saw in one sack. The things I said about the
- grocery business must have kept the recording angel busy.
- Then I calmed down. Did the groceryman do that on purpose? Does
- the groceryman ever put the big apples on top and the little
- Do you? Is there a groceryman in the audience?
- until that day on the train that the groceryman does not put the
- big ones on top and the little ones down underneath. He does not
- need to do it. It does itself. It is the shaking of the barrel that
- pushes the big ones up and the little ones down.
- Shake to Their Places
- and smooth that things do not shake on the road to town. But back
- in the Black Swamp of Ohio we had corduroy roads. Did you ever see
- a corduroy road? It was a layer of logs in the mud. Riding over it
- was the poetry of motion! The wagon "hit the high spots." And as I
- hauled a wagon-bed full of apples to the cider-mill over a corduroy
- road, the apples sorted out by the jolting. The big apples would
- try to get to the top. The little, runty apples would try to hold
- a mass meeting at the bottom.
- how long you have to see most things before you see them? I saw
- that when I played marbles. The big marbles would shake to the top
- of my pocket and the little ones would rattle down to the bottom.
- that the big ones shake up and the little ones shake down. Put some
- big ones and some little things of about the same density in a box
- or other container and shake them. You will see the larger things
- shake upward and the smaller shake downward. You will see every
- thing shake to the place its size determines. A little larger one
- When things find their place, you can shake on till doomsday, but
- you cannot change the place of one of the objects.
- Mix them up again and shake. Watch them all shake back as they were
- before, the largest on top and the smallest at the bottom.
- At this place the lecturer exhibits a glass jar more than
- Let us try that right on the platform. Here is a glass jar and
- forbearance. I am discovering that we can hear faster thru the eye
- than thru the ear. I want to make this so vivid that you will never
- forget it, and I do not want these young people to live thirty
- years before they see it.
- If there are sermons in stones, there must be lectures in cans.
- This is a canned lecture. Let the can talk to you awhile.
- You note as I shake the jar the little beans quickly settle down
- and the big walnuts shake up. Not one bean asks, "Which way do I
- automatically goes the right way. The little ones go down and the
- Note that I mix them all up and then shake. Note that they arrange
- themselves just as they were before.
- down in the bottom saying, "Help me! Help me! I am so unfortunate
- and low down. I never had no chance like them big ones up there.
- the top. See! I have boosted him. I have uplifted him.
- See, the can shakes. Back to the bottom shakes the little bean. And
- The can shakes. The little bean again shakes back to the bottom. He
- Then I hear Little Bean say, "Well, if I cannot get to the top, you
- make them big ones come down. Give every one an equal chance."
- down. You Big Nuts get right down there on a level with Little
- Bean!" And you see I put them down.
- But I shake the can, and the big ones go right back to the top with
- the same shakes that send the little ones back to the bottom.
- There is only one way for those objects to change their place in
- the can. Lifting them up or putting them down will not do it. But
- change their size!
- Equality of position demands quality of size. Let the little one
- grow bigger and he will shake up. Let the big one grow smaller and
- The Shaking Barrel of Life
- O, fellow apples! We are all apples in the barrel of life on the
- way to the market place of the future. It is a corduroy road and
- the barrel shakes all the time.
- In the barrel are big apples, little apples, freckled apples,
- speckled apples, green apples, and dried apples. A bad boy on the
- front row shouted the other night, "And rotten apples!"
- In other words, all the people of the world are in the great barrel
- of life. That barrel is shaking all the time. Every community is
- shaking, every place is shaking. The offices, the shops, the
- stores, the schools, the pulpits, the homes--every place where we
- live or work is shaking. Life is a constant survival of the
- The same law that shakes the little ones down and the big ones up
- in that can is shaking every person to the place he fits in the
- the eternal law of life.
- We shake right back to the places our size determines. We must get
- ready for places before we can get them and keep them.
- The very worst thing that can happen to anybody is to be
- is something like a train and if we do not get to the depot in time
- destiny. There is destiny--that jar.
- The objects in that jar cannot change their size. But thank God,
- And when we have reached the place our size determines, we stay
- there so long as we stay that size.
- In order to hold his place he must hold his size. He must fill the
- In order to stay the same size he must grow enough each day to supply
- the loss by evaporation. Evaporation is going steadily on in lives
- the places you fit. And when you are in your places--in stores,
- If you want a greater place, you simply grow greater and they
- with various sizes of objects. When an employee would come into the
- would say, "Go shake the jar, Charlie. That is the way you get
- This jar tells me so much about luck. I have noted that the lucky
- people shake up and the unlucky people shake down. That is, the
- lucky people grow great and the unlucky people shrivel and rattle.
- Notice as I bump this jar. Two things happened. The little ones
- shook down and the big ones shook up. The bump that was bad luck to
- the little ones was good luck to the big ones. The same bump was
- Luck does not depend upon the direction of the bump, but upon the
- size of the bump-ee!
- The "Lucky" One
- So everywhere you look you see the barrel sorting people according
- the Chicago house where a number of young ladies worked. Some of
- them had been there for a long time. There came a raw, green Dutch
- girl from the country. It was her first office experience, and she
- got the bottom job.
- The other girls poked fun at her and played jokes upon her because
- "Is not she the limit?" they oft spake one to another. She was. She
- made many blunders. But it is now recalled that she never made the
- same blunder twice. She learned the lesson with one helping to the
- And she never "got done." When she had finished her work, the work
- to be done, and she would go right on working, contrary to the
- rules of the union! Without being told, mind you. She had that rare
- faculty the world is bidding for--initiative.
- The other girls "got done." When they had finished the work they
- had been put at, they would wait--O, so patiently they would
- Within three months every other girl in that office was asking
- questions of the little Dutch girl. She had learned more about
- business in three months than the others had learned in all the
- time they had been there. Nothing ever escaped her. She had become
- the most capable girl in the office.
- The barrel did the rest. Today she is giving orders to all of them,
- for she is the office superintendent.
- The other girls feel hurt about it. They will tell you in
- confidence that it was the rankest favoritism ever known. "There
- The "Unlucky" One
- The other day in a paper-mill I was standing beside a long machine
- making shiny super-calendered paper. I asked the man working there
- some questions about the machine, which he answered fairly well.
- Then I asked him about a machine in the next room. He said, "I
- don't know nothing about it, boss, I don't work in there."
- I asked him about another process, and he replied, "I don't know
- nothing about it, I never worked in there." I asked him about the
- neither. I don't work in there." And he did not betray the least
- Going out of the building, I asked the foreman, "Do you see that
- man over there at the supercalendered machine?" pointing to the man
- The foreman's face clouded. "I hate to talk to you about that man.
- He is one of the kindest-hearted men we ever had in the works, but
- we've got to let him go. We're afraid he'll break the machine. He
- Life's Barrel the Leveler
- gone up and down. You may have noticed two brothers start with the
- same chance, and presently notice that one is going up and the
- other is going down.
- Some of us begin life on the top branches, right in the sunshine of
- popular favor, and get our names in the blue-book at the start.
- Some of us begin down in the shade on the bottom branches, and we
- the top-branchers, and we say, "O, if I only had his chance! If I
- were only up there I might amount to something. But I am too low
- And afterwhile we are all in the barrel of life, shaken and bumped
- about. There the real people do not often ask us, "On what branch
- of that tree did you grow?" But they often inquire, "Are you big
- The Fatal Rattle!
- doing pretty much the same things over and over. Every day we
- appear to have about the same round of duties.
- But if we let life become routine, we are shaking down. The very
- routine or we become unhappy. If we go on doing just the same
- things in the same way day after day, thinking the same thoughts,
- smaller. The joy and juice go out of our lives. We shrivel and rattle.
- The success, joy and glory of life are in learning, growing, going
- forward and upward. That is the only way to hold our place.
- The farmer must be learning new things about farming to hold his
- place this progressive age as a farmer. The merchant must be
- competitors. The minister must be getting larger visions of the
- ministry as he goes back into the same old pulpit to keep on
- filling it. The teacher must be seeing new possibilities in the
- same old schoolroom. The mother must be getting a larger horizon in
- We only live as we grow and learn. When anybody stays in the same
- Unless the place is a grave!
- I shiver as I see the pages of school advertisements in the
- Child." I know the schools generally mean all right, but I fear the
- students will get the idea they are being finished, which finishes
- them. We never finish while we live. A school finishing is a
- I am sorry for the one who says, "I know all there is to know about
- The greater and wiser the man, the more anxious he is to be told.
- I am sorry for the one who struts around saying, "I own the job.
- They can't get along without me." For I feel that they are getting
- ready to get along without him. That noise you hear is the
- Big business men keep their ears open for rattles in their
- I am sorry for the man, community or institution that spends much
- For it is mostly rattle. The live one's "my day" is today and
- tomorrow. The dead one's is yesterday.
- give much for a young person (or any other person) who does not
- We often think the way to get a great place is just to go after it
- But unless we have grown as great as the place we would be a great
- joke, for we would rattle. And when we have grown as great as the
- a boy becomes a man by getting into his father's boots. He is in
- gets greater boots. But he must get the feet before he gets the
- We must get ready for things before we get them.
- Moses was eighty years getting ready to do forty years work. The
- We can be a pumpkin in one summer, with the accent on the "punk."
- We can be a mushroom in a day, with the accent on the "mush." But
- The world is not greatly impressed by testimonials. The man who has
- the most testimonials generally needs them most to keep him from
- It is dangerous to overboost people, for the higher you boost them
- the farther they will fall.
- The Menace of the Press-Notice
- lyceum work, in teaching, in very many lines, they are often useful
- The danger is that the hero of them may get to leaning upon them.
- Then they become a mirror for his vanity instead of a monitor
- Most testimonials and press-notices are frank flatteries. They
- magnify the good points and say little as possible about the bad
- progress by reading my press-notices instead of listening to the
- few press-notices. "There, I am all right, for this clipping says
- I am the greatest ever, and should he return, no hall would be able
- to contain the crowd."
- Alas! How often I have learned that when I did return the hall that
- was filled before was entirely too big for the audience! The
- editors of America--God bless them! They are always trying to boost
- a home enterprise--not for the sake of the imported attraction but
- for the sake of the home folks who import it.
- When you get to the place where you can stand aside and "see
- rejoice, for the kingdom of success is yours.
- The Artificial Uplift
- There are so many loving, sincere, foolish, cruel uplift movements
- in the land. They spring up, fail, wail, disappear, only to be
- succeeded by twice as many more. They fail because instead of
- having the barrel do the uplifting, they try to do it with a
- The victims of the artificial uplift cannot stay uplifted. They
- rattle back, and "the last estate of that man is worse than the
- You cannot uplift a beggar by giving him alms. You are using the
- derrick. We must feed the hungry and clothe the naked, but that is
- not helping them, that is propping them. The beggar who asks you to
- cannot help many people, for there are not many people willing to
- be helped on the inside. Not many willing to grow up.
- When Peter and John went up to the temple they found the lame
- beggar sitting at the gate Beautiful. Every day the beggar had been
- "helped." Every day as they laid him at the gate people would pass
- thru the gate and see him. He would say, "Help me!" "Poor man,"
- they would reply, "you are in a bad fix. Here is help," and they
- And so every day that beggar got to be more of a beggar. The public
- hopeless cripple. No doubt he belonged after a few days of the
- "helping" to the Jerusalem Beggars' Union and carried his card.
- as I have give I thee: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise
- Fix the People, Not the Barrel
- I used to work on the "section" and get a dollar and fifteen cents
- a day. I rattled there. I did not earn my dollar fifteen. I tried
- to see how little I could do and look like I was working. I was the
- Artful Dodger of Section Sixteen. When the whistle would blow--O,
- joyful sound!--I would leave my pick hang right up in the air. I
- I used to wonder as I passed Bill Barlow's bank on the way down to
- the section-house, why I was not president of that bank. I wondered
- pumping a handcar. I was naturally bright. I used to say "If the
- rich wasn't getting richer and the poor poorer, I'd be president of a
- I am so glad now that I did not get to be president of the bank.
- They are glad, too! I would have rattled down in about fifteen
- minutes, down to the peanut row, for I was only a peanut. Remember,
- the hand-car job is just as honorable as the bank job, but as I was
- The fairy books love to tell about some clodhopper suddenly
- the clodhopper is enchanted into readiness for kingship before he
- lands upon the throne.
- The only way to rule others is to learn to rule ourself.
- I used to say, "Just wait till I get to Congress." I think they are
- to be the same size. Yes, I'll pass laws to turn the barrel upside
- down, so the little ones will be on the top and the big ones will
- be at the bottom."
- But I had not seen that it wouldn't matter which end was the top,
- the big ones would shake right up to it and the little ones would
- shake down to the bottom.
- The little man has the chance now, just as fast as he grows. You
- cannot fix the barrel. You can only fix the people inside the
- Have you ever noticed that the man who is not willing to fix
- himself, is the one who wants to get the most laws passed to fix
- other people? He wants something for nothing.
- O, I am so glad I did not get the things I wanted at the time I
- wanted them! They would have been coffee-pots. Thank goodness, we
- do not get the coffee-pot until we are ready to handle it.
- wanted them yesterday. O, how we wanted them! But a cruel fate
- would not let us have them. Today we have them. They come to us as
- them, and the barrel has shaken us up to them.
- Today you and I want things beyond our reach. O, how we want them!
- But a cruel fate will not let us have them.
- many are trying to grow great on the outside without growing great
- on the inside. They rattle on the inside!
- They fool themselves, but nobody else.
- There is only one greatness--inside greatness. All outside
- greatness is merely an incidental reflection of the inside.
- in inches, dollars, acres, votes, hurrahs, or by any other of the
- not leave our kitchen or blacksmith shop. We take the kitchen or
- Come, let us grow greater. There is a throne for each of us.
- "Getting to the Top"
- "Getting to the top" is the world's pet delusion. There is no top.
- The higher we rise, the better we see that life on this planet is
- the going up from the Finite to the Infinite.
- The world says that to get greatness means to get great things. So
- the world is in the business of getting--getting great fortunes,
- folderol. Afterwhile the poor old world hears the empty rattle of
- the inside, and wails, "All is vanity. I find no pleasure in them.
- being things on the inside, not in getting things on the outside.
- I weary of the world's pink-sheet extras about "Getting to the Top"
- and "Forging to the Front." Too often they are the sordid story of
- a few scrambling over the heads of the weaker ones. Sometimes they
- are the story of one pig crowding the other pigs out of the trough
- and cornering all the swill!
- The Secret of Greatness
- There came to him those two disciples who wanted to "get to the
- top." Those two sons of Zebedee wanted to have the greatest places
- in the new kingdom they imagined he would establish on earth.
- They got very busy pursuing greatness, but I do not read that they
- were half so busy preparing for greatness. They even had their
- mother out electioneering for them.
- "O, Master," said the mother, "grant that these my two sons may sit,
- the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom."
- The Master looked with love and pity upon their unpreparedness.
- "Are ye able to drink of the cup?" Then he gave the only definition
- us. We must "achieve greatness" by developing it on the
- The First Step at Hand
- This is the Big Business of life--going up, getting educated,
- getting greatness on the inside. Getting greatness on the outside
- Everybody's privilege and duty is to become great. And the joy of
- it is that the first step is always nearest at hand. We do not have
- to go off to New York or Chicago or go chasing around the world to
- We must take the first step now. Most of us want to take the
- hundredth step or the thousandth step now. We want to make some
- workshop or our office and take the first step, solve the problem
- solve and dissolve the difficulties and turn our burdens into
- blessings, we find love, the universal solvent, shining out of our
- lives. We find our spiritual influences going upward. So the winds
- of earth are born; they rush in from the cold lands to the warm
- currents set upward, the world is drawn toward us with its
- of power. We find the world around us rising up to call us blessed.
- As we grow greater our troubles grow smaller, for we see them thru
- greater eyes. We rise above them.
- begin to see them. They are around us all the time, but we must get
- greater eyes to see them.
- Generally speaking, the smaller our vision of our work, the more we
- admire what we have accomplished and "point with pride." The
- greater our vision, the more we see what is yet to be accomplished.
- It was the sweet girl graduate who at commencement wondered how one
- small head could contain it all. It was Newton after giving the
- have been only a boy playing on the seashore * * * while the great
- The Widow's Mites
- The great Teacher pointed to the widow who cast her two mites into
- the treasury, and then to the rich men who had cast in much more.
- "This poor widow hath cast in more than they all. For all these
- have of their abundance cast in unto the offerings of God: but she
- of her penury hath cast in all the living that she had."
- Tho the rich men had cast in more, yet it was only a part of their
- possessions. The widow cast in less, but it was all she had. The
- Master cared little what the footings of the money were in the
- treasury. That is not why we give. We give to become great. The
- saveth his life shall lose it, but he that loseth his life for the
- advancement of the kingdom of happiness on earth shall find it
- Our greatness therefore does not depend upon how much we give or
- upon what we do, whether peeling potatoes or ruling a nation, but
- upon the percentage of our output to our resources. Upon doing with
- cannot get to do. Rejoice in doing the things you can get to do.
- The world says some of us have golden gifts and some have copper
- gifts. But when we cast them all into the treasury of right
- service, there is an alchemy that transmutes every gift into gold.
- Finding the Great People
- I do not know who fitted the boards into the floor I stand upon. I
- do not know all the great people who may come and stand upon this
- floor. But I do know that the one who made the floor--and the one
- who sweeps it--is just as great as anybody in the world who may
- come and stand upon it, if each be doing his work with the same
- We have to look farther than the "Who's Who" and Dun and Bradstreet
- to make a roster of the great people of a community. You will find
- the community heart in the precious handful who believe that the
- service of God is the service of man.
- The great people of the community serve and sacrifice for a better
- tomorrow. They are the faithful few who get behind the churches,
- the schools, the lyceum and chautauqua, and all the other movements
- They are the ones who are "always trying to run things." They are
- the happy ones, happy for the larger vision that comes as they go
- higher by unselfish service. They are discovering that their
- sweetest pay comes from doing many things they are not paid for.
- They rarely get thanked, for the community does not often think of
- thanking them until it comes time to draft the "resolutions of
- I had to go to the mouth of a coal-mine in a little Illinois town,
- to find the man the bureau had given as lyceum committeeman there.
- I wondered what the grimy-faced man from the shaft, wearing the
- miner's lamp in his cap, could possibly have to do with the lyceum
- the tickets and had done all the managing. He was superintendent of
- the Sunday school. He was the storm-center of every altruistic
- effort in the town--the greatest man there, because the most
- The great people are so busy serving that they have little time to
- strut and pose in the show places. Few of them are "prominent
- clubmen." You rarely find their names in the society page. They
- rarely give "brilliant social functions." Their idle families
- I found a great man lecturing at the chautauquas. He preaches in
- he founded by his own preaching. He is the mainspring of so many
- uplift movements that his name gets into the papers about every day,
- under trees or letting the mind become a blank. But this Chicago
- preacher went from one chautauqua town to another, and took his
- vacation going up and down the streets. He dug into the local
- history of each place, and before dinner he knew more about the
- place than most of the natives.
- "There is a sermon for me," he would exclaim every half-hour. He
- the humdrum travel map into a wonderland. He scolded lazy towns and
- praised enterprising ones. He stopped young fellows on the streets.
- "What are you going to do in life?" Perhaps the young man would
- chance," the man on his vacation would reply.
- his vacation. He was busy about other people's business. He did not
- once ask the price of land, nor where there was a good investment
- His friends would sometimes worry about him. They would say, "Why
- doesn't the doctor take care of himself, instead of taking care of
- everybody else? He wears himself out for other people until he
- Sometimes they were right about that.
- did not make him great. His books did not make him great. These are
- the by-products. His life of service for others makes him
- This Chicago man gives his life into the service of humanity, and
- it becomes the fuel to make the steam to accomplish the wonderful
- and writing it all down in the contract, most likely Dr. Frank W.
- the backwoods of Morrow county, Ohio.
- great things. Give it now! Give your dollar now, rather than your
- thousands afterwhile. You need to give it now, and the world needs
- The Problem of "Preparedness"
- THE problem of "preparedness" is the problem of preparing children
- for life. All other kinds of "preparedness" fade into
- insignificance before this. The history of nations shows that their
- strength was not in the size of their armies and in the vastness
- of their population and wealth, but in the strength and ideals
- of the individual citizens.
- As long as the nation was young and growing--as long as the people were
- But when the struggle stopped, the strength waned, for the strength
- came from the struggle. When the people became materially prosperous
- and surrendered to ease and indulgence, they became fat, stall-fed weaklings.
- Then they fell a prey to younger, hardier peoples.
- Has the American nation reached that period?
- All over America are fathers and mothers who have struggled and
- have become strong men and women thru their struggles, who are
- living for our children. We are going to give them the best
- Then, forgetful of how they became strong, they plan to take away
- from their children their birthright--their opportunity to become
- "We are going to give our children the best education our money can buy."
- They think they can buy an education--buy wisdom, strength and
- understanding, and give it to them C. O. D! They seem to think they
- will buy any brand they see--buy the home brand of education, or
- a bucketful or a tankful of education. If they are rich enough,
- maybe they will have a private pipeline of education laid to their
- home. They are going to force this education into them regularly
- until they get them full of education. They are going to get them
- Toll the bell! There's going to be a "blow out." Those inflated
- Father and mother cannot buy their children education. All they can
- do is to buy them some tools, perhaps, and open the gate and say,
- "Sic 'em, Tige!" The children must get it themselves.
- A father and mother might as well say, "We will buy our children
- the strength we have earned in our arms and the wisdom we have
- acquired in a life of struggle." As well expect the athlete to give
- them his physical development he has earned in years of exercise.
- As well expect the musician to give them the technic he has
- acquired in years of practice. As well expect the scholar to give
- them the ability to think he has developed in years of study. As
- well expect Moses to give them his spiritual understanding acquired
- They can show the children the way, but each child must make the
- The Story of "Gussie"
- There was a factory town back East. Not a pretty town, but just a
- great, dirty mill and a lot of little dirty houses around the mill.
- The hands lived in the little dirty houses and worked six days of
- the week in the big mill.
- There was a little, old man who went about that mill, often saying,
- "I hain't got no book l'arnin' like the rest of you." He was the
- man who owned the mill. He had made it with his own genius out of
- nothing. He had become rich and honored. Every man in the mill
- loved him like a father.
- The little old man often said, "I'm going to give that boy the best
- the minute the child could sit up in the cradle and notice things.
- He sent him to the astrologer, the phrenologer and all other
- "ologers" they had around there. When Gussie was old enough to
- export, he sent the boy to one of the greatest universities in the
- land. The fault was not with the university, not with Gussie, who
- The fault was with the little old man, who was so wise and great
- about everything else, and so foolish about his own boy. In the
- The birthright of every child is the opportunity of becoming
- You remember, then, that after he matriculates--after he gets the
- grand bump, said steer does not have to do another thing. His
- and receives it. There is a row of professors with their sleeves
- rolled up who give him the degrees. So as Mr. T. Steer of Panhandle
- They "canned" Gussie. He had a man hired to study for him. He rode
- from department to department. They upholstered him, enameled him,
- done and the paint was dry. He was a thing of beauty.
- the baggage-car. It was checked. The mill shut down on a week day,
- the first time in its history. The hands marched down to the depot,
- and when the young lord alighted, the factory band played, "See,
- the Conquering Hero Comes."
- A few years later the mill shut down again on a week day. There was
- crape hanging on the office door. Men and women stood weeping in
- the streets. The little old man had been translated.
- When they next opened up the mill, F. Gustavus Adolphus was at its head.
- He had inherited the entire plant. "F. Gustavus Adolphus, President."
- fill so great a place. In two years and seven months the mill was
- a wreck. The monument of a father's lifetime was wrecked in two
- years and seven months by the boy who had all the "advantages."
- So the mill was shut down the third time on a week day. It looked
- had a new kind of boss. If I were to give the new boss a
- would swell up. How fast he grew! He became the most useful man in
- the community. People forgot all about Bill's lowly origin. They
- So when the courts were looking for somebody big enough to take charge
- of the wrecked mill, they simply had to appoint Hon. William Whackem.
- It was Hon. William Whackem who put the wreckage together and made
- the wheels go round, and finally got the hungry town back to work.
- After that a good many people said it was the college that made a
- fool of Gussie. They said Bill succeeded so well because he never
- went to one of "them highbrow schools." I am sorry to say I thought
- The book and the college suffer at the hands of their friends. They
- say to the book and the college, "Give us an education." They cannot
- do that. You cannot get an education from the book and the college
- The book and the college show you the way, give you instruction and
- furnish you finer working tools. But the real education is the
- journey you make, the strength you develop, the service you perform
- with these instruments and tools.
- Gussie was in the position of a man with a very fine equipment of
- tools and no experience in using them. Bill was the man with the
- poor, homemade, crude tools, but with the energy, vision and
- The "Hard Knocks Graduates"
- people liberally educated who cannot write their own names. But
- they have served and overcome and developed great lives with the
- poor, crude tools at their command.
- many or any books. Yet they are educated to the degree they have
- acquired these elements of greatness in their lives.
- They realized how they have been handicapped by their poor mental tools.
- That is why they say, "All my life I have been handicapped by lack of
- The young person with electrical genius will make an electrical
- see how much more he will achieve with the same genius and with
- Get the best tools you can. But remember diplomas, degrees are not
- an education, they are merely preparations. When you are thru with
- the books, remember, you are having a commencement, not an
- end-ment. You will discover with the passing years that life is
- Go out with your fine equipment from your commencements into the
- school of service and write your education in the only book you
- ever can know--the book of your experience.
- That is what you know--what the courts will take as evidence when
- they put you upon the witness stand.
- The Tragedy of Unpreparedness
- The story of Gussie and Bill Whackem is being written in every
- These fathers and mothers who toil and save, who get great farms,
- fine homes and large bank accounts, so often think they can give
- greatness to their children--they can make great places for them in
- life and put them into them.
- They do all this and the children rattle. They have had no chance
- to grow great enough for the places. The child gets the blame for
- making the wreck, even as Gussie was blamed for wrecking his
- father's plant, when the child is the victim.
- A man heard me telling the story of Gussie and Bill Whackem, and he
- his boy was not there to hear it. But that good, deluded father now
- has his head bowed in shame over the career of his spoiled son.
- I rarely tell of it on a platform that at the close of the lecture
- For years poor Harry Thaw was front-paged on the newspapers and
- gibbeted in the pulpits as the shocking example of youthful
- a man. He seems to have been robbed of his birthright from the
- cradle. Yet the father of this boy who has cost America millions in
- court and detention expenses was one of the greatest business
- generals of the Keystone state. He could plat great coal empires
- ignorant of the fact that the barrel shakes.
- It is the educated, the rich and the worldly wise who blunder most in
- the training of their children. Poverty is a better trainer for the rest.
- The menace of America lies not in the swollen fortunes, but in the
- shrunken souls who inherit them.
- But Nature's eliminating process is kind to the race in the barrel
- shaking down the rattlers. Somebody said it is only three
- how few of our strong men get their start with steam heat?
- You boys and girls, God bless you! You live in good homes. Father
- and mother love you and give you everything you need. You get to
- take care of me, and when they are gone I'll inherit everything
- they have. I'm fixed for life."
- to rattle. Father and mother can be great and you can be a peanut.
- Father and mother can put money in your pocket, ideas in your head
- insect struggling inside the cocoon. It was trying to get out of
- the envelope. It seemed in trouble and needed help. He opened the
- envelope with a knife and set the struggling insect free. But out
- and under-developed wings. He learned that helping the insect was
- killing it. He took away from it the very thing it had to have--the
- But remember there is little virtue in work unless it is getting us
- lie down to sleep, then another day of the same grind, then a year
- of it and years following until our machine is worn out and on the
- means one day nearer the scrapheap.
- Such a worker is like the packhorse who goes forward to keep ahead
- of the whip. Such a worker is the horse we used to have hitched to
- the sorghum mill. Round and round that horse went, seeing nothing,
- his ears. Such work deadens and stupefies. The masses work about
- that way. They regard work as a necessary evil. They are
- right--such work is a necessary evil, and they make it such. They
- follow their nose. "Dumb, driven cattle."
- that is the work that brings the joy and the greatness.
- even the packhorse job, because it is our "meal ticket" that
- "Helping" the Turkeys
- One time I put some turkey eggs under the mother hen and waited day
- by day for them to hatch. And sure enough, one day the eggs began
- to crack and the little turkeys began to stick their heads out of
- the shells. Some of the little turkeys came out from the shells all
- right, but some of them stuck in the shells.
- But they stuck to the shells.
- hand." So I picked the shells off. "Little turkeys, you will never
- know how fortunate you are. Ordinary turkeys do not have these
- Did I help them? I killed them, or stunted them. Not one of the turkeys
- was "right" that I helped. They were runts. One of them was a regular
- Harry Thaw turkey. They had too many silk socks. Too many "advantages."
- The cards are against him. He must succeed in spite of his "advantages."
- character, for the joy of having a larger life. I am pleading with
- you to know the joy of overcoming and having the angels come and
- Children, I am pleading with you to find happiness. All the world
- The happiness is in going up--in developing a greater arm, a
- Happiness is the joy of overcoming. It is the delight of an
- expanding consciousness. It is the cry of the eagle mounting
- upward. It is the proof that we are progressing.
- cannot find happiness in our work, we have the wrong job. Find the
- work that fits your talents, and stop watching the clock and
- Loving friends used to warn me against "breaking down." They scared
- found my job in my work, not away from it, and the work refreshed
- the undertaker. I am an editor in the daytime and a lecturer at
- almost every day of the year--maybe two or three times some
- days--and then take a vacation by editing and writing. Thus every
- day is jam full of play and vacation and good times. The year is
- one round of joy, and I ought to pay people for the privilege of
- speaking and writing to them instead of them paying me!
- to be "absent from the body and present with the Lord." Thus this
- old body behaves just beautifully and wags along like the tail
- follows the dog when I forget all about it. The grunter lets the
- tail wag the dog.
- multitudes killing themselves by taking vacations.
- The people who think they are overworking are merely overworrying.
- To work at the things you love, or for those you love, is to turn
- The world is trying to find happiness in being amused. The world is
- What a sad, empty lot of rattlers! Look over the bills of the movies,
- look over the newsstands and see a picture of the popular mind,
- for these places keep just what the people want to buy. What a lot
- There are ten literary drunkards to one alcoholic drunkard. There
- Almost every day as I go along the street to some hall to lecture,
- I hear somebody asking, "What are they going to have in the hall
- The speaker is perfectly honest. He has no place to put a lecture.
- to follow his nose around. Other people generally lead his nose.
- The man who will not make the effort to think is the great menace
- to the nation. The crowd that drifts and lives for amusement is the
- crowd that finds itself back near the caboose, and as the train of
- progress leaves them, they wail, they "never had no chanct." They
- want to start a new party to reform the government.
- The Lure of the City
- Do you ever get lonely in a city? How few men and women there. A
- jam of people, most of them imitations--most of them trying to look
- like they get more salary. Poor, hungry, doped butterflies of the
- bright lights,--hopers, suckers and straphangers! Down the great
- white way they go chasing amusement to find happiness. They must be
- amused every moment, even when they eat, or they will have to be
- alone with their empty lives.
- The Prodigal Son came to himself afterwhile and thought upon his
- ways. Then he arose and went to his father's house. Whenever one
- will arise and go to his father's house of wisdom. But there is no
- hope for the person who will not stop and think. And the devil
- works day and night shifts keeping the crowd moving on.
- That is why the crowd is not furnishing the strong men and women.
- they contract, then they relax. But the muscle that goes on
- continually relaxing is degenerating. And the individual, the
- community, the nation that goes on relaxing without
- The more you study your muscles, the more you learn that while one
- muscle is relaxing another is contracting. So you must learn that
- over to contracting another set of muscles.
- Go to the bank president's office, go to the railroad magnate's
- office, go to the great pulpit, to the college chair--go to any
- place of great responsibility in a city and ask the one who fills
- the place, "Were you born in this city?"
- The reply is almost a monotony. "I born in this city? No, I was
- ago and went to work at the bottom."
- Give us steam heat and push-buttons. There is no virtue in a
- log-cabin, save that there the necessity for struggle that brings
- strength is most in evidence. There the young person gets the
- that young person comes to the city and shakes in the barrel among
- the weaklings of the artificial life, he rises above them like the
- The cities do not make their own steam. The little minority from
- the farms controls the majority. The red blood of redemption flows
- from the country year by year into the national arteries, else
- these cities would drop off the map.
- "Hep" and "Pep" for the Home Town
- But so many of the home towns of America are sick. Many are dying.
- It is the lure of the city--and the lure-lessness of the country.
- The town the young people leave is the town the young people ought
- to leave. Somebody says, "The reason so many young people go to
- hell is because they have no other place to go."
- What is the matter with the small town? Do not blame it all upon
- the city mail order house. With rural delivery, daily papers,
- telephones, centralized schools, automobiles and good roads, there
- are no more delightful places in the world to live than in the
- country or in the small town. They have the city advantages plus
- sunshine, air and freedom that the crowded cities cannot have.
- I asked the keeper who was showing me thru the insane asylum at
- people in this institution and only a score of guards to keep them
- in. Aren't you in danger? What is to hinder these insane people
- from getting together, organizing, overpowering the few guards and
- The keeper was not in the least alarmed at the question. He smiled.
- "Many people say that. But they don't understand. If these people
- could get together they wouldn't be in this asylum. They are
- insane. No two of them can agree upon how to get together and how
- to break out. So a few of us can hold them."
- It would be almost unkind to carry this further, but I have been
- thinking ever since that about three-fourths of the small towns of
- America have one thing in common with the asylum folks--they can't
- get together. They cannot organize for the public good. They break
- factions and neutralize each other's efforts.
- A lot of struggling churches compete with each other instead of
- massing for the common good. And when the churches fight, the devil
- stays neutral and furnishes the munitions for both sides.
- So the home towns stagnate and the young people with visions go
- away to the cities where opportunity seems to beckon. Ninety-nine
- out of a hundred of them will jostle with the straphangers all
- their lives, mere wheels turning round in a huge machine.
- Ninety-nine out of a hundred of them might have had a larger
- opportunity right back in the home town, had the town been awake
- We must make the home town the brightest, most attractive, most
- promising place for the young people. No home town can afford to
- spend its years raising crops of young people for the cities. That
- is the worst kind of soil impoverishment--all going out and nothing
- coming back. That is the drain that devitalizes the home towns more
- than all the city mail order houses.
- America is to be great, not in the greatness of a few crowded
- cities, but in the greatness of innumerable home towns.
- The slogan today should be, For God and Home and the Home Town!
- Dr. Henry Solomon Lehr, founder of the Ohio Northern University at
- pride, "Our students come to school; they are not sent."
- He encouraged his students to be self-supporting, and most of them
- were working their way thru school. He made the school calendar and
- courses elastic to accommodate them. He saw the need of combining
- the school of books with the school of struggle. He organized his
- school into competing groups, so that the student who had no
- struggle in his life would at least have to struggle with the
- others during his schooling.
- debating societies to compete with each other. He arranged contests
- for the military department. His school was one surging mass of
- contestants. Yet each student felt no compulsion. Rather he felt
- that he was initiating an individual or class effort to win. The
- literary societies vied with each other in their programs and in
- win over the others. They would go miles out on the trains to
- intercept new students, even to their homes in other states. Each
- old student pledged new students in his home country. The military
- companies turned the school into a military camp for weeks each
- Those students went out into the world trained to struggle. I do
- not believe there is a school in America with a greater alumni roll
- I believe the most useful schools today are schools of struggle
- work their way thru and to act upon their own initiative.
- The old "deestrick" school is passing, and with it the small
- teacher, as in the old days of the lyceum in Athens, when the
- pupils sat around the philosopher in the groves.
- From these schools came the makers and the preservers of the nation.
- wonderful equipment. Today we are replacing the many small colleges
- universities. We are spending millions upon them in laboratories,
- equipment and maintenance. Today we scour the earth for specialists
- to sit in the chairs and speak the last word in every department of
- O, how the students of the "dark ages" would have rejoiced to see
- this day! Many of them never saw a germ!
- But each student has the same definite effort to make in
- assimilation today as then. Knowing and growing demand the same
- personal struggle in the cushions of the "frat" house as back on
- the old oak-slab bench with its splintered side up.
- I am anxiously awaiting the results. I am hoping that the boys and
- girls who come out in case-lots from these huge school plants will
- not be rows of lithographed cans on the shelves of life. I am
- hoping they will not be shorn of their individuality, but will have
- it stimulated and unfettered. I am anxious that they be not
- men--great men. I am anxious that the modern school have the modern
- equipment demanded to serve the present age. But I am more anxious
- endowment, when the fact is that its struggle for existence and the
- when the money endowment comes the spiritual endowment goes in
- calamities in the financial prosperity that has engulfed them.
- foundations? That is the question the age is asking.
- You and I are very much interested in the answer.
- The Salvation of a "Sucker"
- The Fiddle and the Tuning
- For that sentence utters one of the fundamentals of life that
- I have had the feeling ever since that you and I come into this
- world like the fiddle comes from the factory. We have a body and a
- neck. That is about all there is either to us or to the fiddle. We
- When the human fiddles are about six years old they go into the
- primary schools and up thru the grammar grades, and get the first
- string--the little E string. The trouble is so many of these human
- fiddles think they are an orchestra right away. They want to quit
- We must show these little fiddles they must go back into school and
- go up thru all the departments and institutions necessary to give
- them the full complement of strings for their life symphonies.
- After all this there comes the commencement, and the violin comes
- forth with the E, A, D and G strings all in place. Educated now?
- lot of discord. The violin is to give music.
- So there is much yet to do after getting the strings. All the book
- and college can do is to give the strings--the tools. After that
- the violin must go into the great tuning school of life. Here the
- pegs are turned and the strings are put in tune. The music is the
- vitalized, what you have written in the book of experience.
- All of us are Christopher Columbuses, discovering the same new-old
- continents of Truth. That is the true happiness of
- idea of them. We hear the preacher utter truths and we say with
- little feeling, "Yes, that is so." We hear the great truths of life
- see it with our own eyes. Then there is a thrill. Then the old
- truth becomes a new blessing. Then the oldest, driest platitude
- consciousness. This joy of discovery is the joy of living.
- There is such a difference between reading a thing and knowing a
- thing. We could read a thousand descriptions of the sun and not
- know the sun as in one glimpse of it with our own eyes.
- I used to stand in the row of blessed little rascals in the
- "If--I-p-p-play--with--the--f-f-f-i-i-i-i-r-r-e--I--will--g-e-e-et
- play with the fire I will get my fingers burned. I had to slap my
- Then I had to go around showing the blisters, boring my friends and
- the audience knew how little I know, you wouldn't stay.
- longer than a human being. They are so smart you cannot teach them
- with a few bumps. They have to be pulverized.
- That sentence takes me back to the days when I was a "hired man" on
- the farm. You might not think I had ever been a "hired man" on the
- drink from a copper kettle. But I have fed him the fingers of this
- of oxen and had said the words. But I have!
- I remember the first county fair I ever attended. Fellow sufferers,
- you may remember that at the county fair all the people sort out to
- their own departments. Some people go to the canned fruit
- department. Some go to the fancywork department. Some go to the
- swine department. Everybody goes to his own department. Even the
- "suckers"! Did you ever notice where they go? That is where I
- went--to the "trimming department."
- I was in the "trimming department" in five minutes. Nobody told me
- where it was. I didn't need to be told. I gravitated there. The
- that--in a city all of one size get together.
- Right at the entrance to the "local Midway" I met a gentleman. I
- a little light table he could move quickly. Whenever the climate
- were three little shells in a row, and there was a little pea under
- the middle shell. I saw it there, being naturally bright. I was the
- only naturally bright person around the table, hence the only one
- who knew under which shell the little round pea was hidden.
- Even the gentleman running the game was fooled. He thought it was
- under the end shell and bet me money it was under the end shell.
- I had saved up my money for weeks to attend the fair. I bet it all
- on that middle shell. I felt bad. It seemed like robbing father.
- But I needn't have felt bad. I did not rob father. Father cleaned
- I went over to the other side of the fairgrounds and sat down. That
- was all I had to do now--just go, sit down. I couldn't see the
- mermaid now or get into the grandstand.
- Sadly I thought it all over, but I did not get the right answer.
- I said the thing every fool does say when he gets bumped and fails
- to learn the lesson from the bump. I said, "Next time I shall be
- I Bought the Soap
- Learn? No! Within a month I was on the street a Saturday night when
- another gentleman drove into town. He stopped on the public square
- and stood up in his buggy. "Let the prominent citizens gather
- Immediately all the prominent "suckers" crowded around the buggy.
- I am putting these cakes of Wonder Soap in my hat. You see I am
- wrapping a ten-dollar bill around one cake and throwing it into the
- hat. Now who will give me five dollars for the privilege of taking
- And right on top of the pile was the cake with the ten wrapped
- around it! I jumped over the rest to shove my five (two weeks' farm
- work) in his hands and grab that bill cake. But the bill
- disappeared. I never knew where it went. The man whipped up his
- and therefore good picking. They began to let me in on the ground
- floor. Did anybody ever let you in on the ground floor? I never
- could stick. Whenever anybody let me in on the ground floor it
- seemed like I would always slide on thru and land in the cellar.
- kept my investments in it. I mean, the investments I did not have
- to lock up. You get the pathos of that--the investments nobody
- open that drawer and "view the remains."
- I had in that drawer the deed to my Oklahoma corner-lots. Those
- lots were going to double next week. But they did not double I
- doubled. They still exist on the blueprint and the Oklahoma
- metropolis on paper is yet a wide place in the road.
- I had there my oil propositions. What a difference, I have learned,
- between an oil proposition and an oil well! The learning has been
- I had in that drawer my "Everglade" farm. Did you ever hear of the
- "Everglades"? I have an alligator ranch there. It is below the
- frost-line, also below the water-line. I will sell it by the
- in green. I used to wonder why they printed it in green--wonder if
- they wanted it to harmonize with me! And I would realize I had so
- much to live for--the dividends. I have been so near the dividends
- I could smell them. Only one more assessment, then we will cut the
- melon! I have heard that all my life and never got a piece of the rind.
- Why go farther? I am not half done confessing. Each bump only
- increased my faith that the next ship would be mine. Good, honest,
- buy because I knew the minister was honest and believed in it. He
- was selling it on his reputation. Favorite dodge of the promoter to
- get the ministers to sell his shares.
- I pitied his lack of vision. Bankers were such "tightwads." They
- or a hundred per cent.--then. Give me the five per cent. now!
- By the time I was thirty-four I was a rich man in worthless paper.
- savings into the bottom of the sea.
- Then I got a confidential letter from a friend of our family I had
- never met. His name was Thomas A. Cleage, and he was in the Rialto
- Were you ever selected? If you were, then you know the thrill that
- He knew me! He was the only man who did know me. So I took the
- in with us in the inner circle and get a thousand per cent.
- train for St. Louis. I was afraid somebody might beat me there if
- money for Tom, the friend of our family. But I see now I need not
- have hurried so. They would have waited a month with the
- dollars to corner the wheat market of the world. That is all I paid
- That bump set me to thinking. My fever began to reduce. I got the
- have always regarded the eleven hundred as the finest investment I
- had made up to that time, for I got the most out of it. I do not
- feel that we should endow them. How else can we save a sucker? You
- fortune right up on this platform and put it down there on the
- Today when somebody offers me much more than the legal rate of
- If he offers me a hundred per cent. I call for the police!
- been selected--" I never read farther than the word "selected."
- Meeting is adjourned. I select the waste-basket. Here, get in there
- O, Absalom, Absalom, my son, my son! Learn it early in life. The
- will have to be "selected." There is no other way for you, because
- look like the biggest sucker on the local landscape.
- The other night in a little town of perhaps a thousand, a banker
- took me up into his office after the lecture in which I had related
- some of the above experiences. "The audience laughed with you and
- pathetic. It was a picture of what is going on in our own little
- I wish you could see the thousands of hard-earned dollars that go
- as you described. The saddest part of it is that the money nearly
- always goes out of the pockets of the people who can least afford
- Learn that the gambler never owns his winnings. The man who
- Even the young person who has large fortune given him does not own
- The owning is in the understanding of values.
- one sentence, I see the need of an eternity.
- To me that is one of the great arguments for eternal life--how slowly
- I learn, and how much there is to learn. It will take an eternity!
- The young person says, "By next June I shall have finished my
- Bless them all! They will have put another string on their fiddle.
- After they "finish" they have a commencement, not an end-ment, as
- they think. This is not to sneer, but to cheer. Isn't it glorious
- I love to attend commencements. The stage is so beautifully
- decorated and the joy of youth is everywhere. There is a row of
- geraniums along the front of the stage and a big oleander on the
- side. There is a long-whiskered rug in the middle. The graduates
- sit in a semicircle upon the stage in their new patent leather. I
- know how it hurts. It is the first time they have worn it.
- Then they make their orations. Every time I hear their orations I
- like them better, because every year I am getting younger. Damsel
- "Beyond the Alps (sweep arms forward to the left, left arm leading)
- lieth Italy!" (Bring arms down, letting fingers follow the wrist.
- How embarrassing at a commencement for the fingers not to follow
- the wrist! It is always a shock to the audience when the wrist
- sweeps downward and the fingers remain up in the air. So by all
- means, let the fingers follow the wrist, just as the elocution
- 2 stands at the same leadpencil mark on the floor, resplendent in
- a filmy creation caught with something or other.
- We are laughing the happy laugh at how we have learned these great
- You get the most beautiful and sublime truths from Emerson's
- essays. (How did they ever have commencements before Emerson?) But
- that is not knowing them. You cannot know them until you have lived
- them. It is a grand thing to say, "Beyond the Alps lieth Italy,"
- up over Alps of difficulty and seeing the Italy of promise and
- but you cannot really say that until you have pulled on the oar.
- was "short-circuited." The "brethren" waited upon me and told me I had
- They gave me six weeks in which to load the gospel gun and get
- ready for my try-out. I certainly loaded it to the muzzle.
- But I made the mistake I am trying to warn you against. Instead of
- going to the one book where I might have gotten a sermon--the book
- of my experience, I went to the books in my father's library. "As
- the poet Shakespeare has so beautifully said," and then I took a
- to the poet Tennyson." Come here, Lord Alfred. So I soldered these
- fragments from the books together with my own native genius. I
- worked that sermon up into the most beautiful splurges and spasms.
- fourteen, where I had made a little mark in the margin which meant
- "cry here." This was the spilling-point of the wet climax. I was to
- cry on the lefthand side of the page.
- I committed it all to memory, and then went to a lady who taught
- I got the most beautiful gestures nailed into almost every page.
- You know about gestures--these things you make with your arms in
- the air as you speak. You can notice it on me yet.
- a mirror for six weeks, day by day, and said the sermon to the
- Then came the grand day. The boy wonder stood forth and before his
- grandly than ever to a mirror. Every gesture went off the bat
- according to the blueprint. I cried on page fourteen! I never knew
- Then I did another fine thing, I sat down. I wish now I had done
- that earlier. I wish now I had sat down before I got up. I was the
- last man out of the church--and I hurried. But they beat me
- out--all nine of them. When I went out the door, the old sexton
- said as he jiggled the key in the door to hurry me, "Don't feel
- I cried all the way to town. If he had plunged a dagger into me he
- that the old man was right. I had wonderful truth in that sermon.
- No sermon ever had greater truth, but I had not lived it. The old
- "Peeling Potatoes," and you are most likely to hear the applause
- Out of every thousand books published, perhaps nine hundred of them
- do not sell enough to pay the cost of printing them. As you study
- the books that do live, you note that they are the books that have
- been lived. Perhaps the books that fail have just as much of truth
- in them and they may even be better written, yet they lack the
- vital impulse. They come out of the author's head. The books that
- live must come out of his heart. They are his own life. They come
- surging and pulsating from the book of his experience.
- The best part of our schooling comes not from the books, but from
- the men behind the books.
- the knowing in the doing.
- "There was never a picture painted,
- There was never a poem sung,
- But the soul of the artist fainted,
- And the poet's heart was wrung."
- So many young people think because they have a good voice and they have
- cultivated it, they are singers. All this cultivation and irritation
- and irrigation and gargling of the throat are merely symptoms of
- They think the song comes from the diaphragm. But it comes from the
- heart, chaperoned by the diaphragm. You cannot sing a song you have
- Jessie was singing the other day at a chautauqua. She has a
- attended to. She sang that afternoon in the tent, "The Last Rose of
- Summer." She sang it with every note so well placed, with the
- sweetest little trills and tendrils, with the smile exactly like
- her teacher had taught her. Jessie exhibited all the machinery and
- trimmings for the song, but she had no steam, no song. She sang the
- notes. She might as well have sung, "Pop, Goes the Weasel."
- The audience politely endured Jessie. That night a woman sang in
- the same tent "The Last Rose of Summer." She had never been to
- Berlin, but she had lived that song. She didn't dress the notes
- half so beautifully as Jessie did, but she sang it with the
- tremendous feeling it demands. The audience went wild. It was a
- "this is the best singing lesson you have ever had. Your study is
- cannot sing "The Last Rose of Summer" yet, for you do not know very
- much about the first rose of summer. And really, I hope you'll
- never know the ache and disappointment you must know before you can
- sing that song, for it is the sob of a broken-hearted woman. Learn
- to sing the songs you have lived."
- Why do singers try to execute songs beyond the horizon of their
- lives? That is why they "execute" them.
- The Success of a Song-Writer
- The guest of honor at a dinner in a Chicago club was a woman who is
- one of the widely known song-writers of this land. As I had the
- songs the people want to sing?"
- But in the hour she talked with her friends around the table I
- found the answer to every question. "Isn't it good to be here?
- meal a day and didn't know where the next meal was coming from. I
- know what it is to be left alone in the world upon my own
- discouraged and down and out. It was in my little back-room, the
- only home I had, that I began to write songs. I wrote them for my
- heart and what the struggles were teaching me. No one is more
- surprised and grateful that the world seems to love my songs and
- asks for more of them."
- The woman was Carrie Jacobs-Bond, who wrote "The Perfect Day,"
- simple little songs so full of the pathos and philosophy of life
- that they tug at your heart and moisten your eyes.
- No. Books of theory and harmony and expression only teach us how to
- write the words and where to place the notes. These are not the
- song, but only the skeleton into which our own life must breathe
- the life of the song.
- The woman who sat there clad in black, with her sweet, expressive
- the University of Hard Knocks. She here became the song philosopher
- loneliness, she never would have been able to write the songs that
- appeal to the multitudes who have the same battles.
- The popular song is the song that best voices what is in the
- songs that are trashy and voice the tawdriest human impulses, yet
- it is a tribute to the good elements in humanity that the
- continue to hold their popularity.
- Theory and Practice
- My friends, I am not arguing that you and I must drink the dregs of
- around me in the affairs of everyday life, that none of us will
- success flows from the fullness of our experience just as the songs
- came from the life of Carrie Jacobs-Bond.
- The world is full of theorists, dreamers, uplifters, reformers, who
- have worthy visions but are not able to translate them into
- practical realities. They go around with their heads in the clouds,
- looking upward, and half the time their feet are in the flower-beds
- or trampling upon their fellow men they dream of helping. Their
- the anvil of experience.
- Many of the most brilliant theorists have been the greatest
- There are a thousand who can tell you what is the matter with
- things to one person who can give you a practical way to fix them.
- anything you could think of was discussed, and perhaps the page. He
- Indeed, in my childhood I thought he was the greatest man in the
- But he was one of the most helpless men I have ever seen in
- himself. He could quote a page of John Locke, but somehow the page
- didn't supply the one sentence needed for the occasion. The man was
- a misfit on earth. He was liable to put the gravy in his coffee
- and the gasoline in the fire. He seemed never to have digested any
- of the things in his memory. Since I have grown up I always think
- The greatest book is the textbook of the University of Hard Knocks,
- the Book of Human Experience the "sermons in stones" and the "books
- Note the sweeping, positive statements of the young person.
- Note the cautious, specific statements of the person who has lived
- Our education is our progress from the sweeping, positive,
- wholesale statements we have not proved, to the cautious, specific
- Tuning the Strings of Life
- Many audiences are gathered into this one audience. Each person
- here is a different audience, reading a different page in the Book
- I know there are chapters of heroism in the lives of you older
- the floor when you could not sleep. You have learned that "beyond
- the Alps lieth Italy."
- ago, and the wound has not healed. You think it never will heal.
- for a little while. I know there are people in this audience in pain.
- Never do this many gather but what there are some with aching hearts.
- man talking about? I haven't had these things and I'm not going to
- have them, either!"
- sleep. You are going to walk the floor when you cannot sleep. Some
- of you are going to know the keen sorrow of having the one you
- For all lives have about the same elements. Your life is going to
- be about like other lives.
- And you are going to learn the wonderful lesson thru the years, the
- bumps and the tears, that all these things somehow are necessary to
- These bumps and hard knocks do not break the fiddle--they turn the pegs.
- These bumps and tragedies and Waterloos draw the strings of the
- pitch, where the discords fade from our lives and where the music
- divine and harmonies celestial come from the same old strings that
- had been sending forth the noise and discord.
- Thus we know that our education is progressing, as the evil and
- Memories of the Price We Pay
- father being a country preacher, we had tin spoons. We never had to
- tie a red string around our spoons when we loaned them for the
- Do you remember the first money you ever earned? I do. I walked
- several miles into the country those old reaper days and gathered
- sheaves. That night I was proud when that farmer patted me on the
- head and said, "You are the best boy to work, I ever saw." Then the
- handle it, hence the tale that follows.
- There is hope for green things. I was so tall and awkward then--I
- several dollars the lowest bidder. They said out that way, "Anybody
- My second, Make, em recite. That is, fill 'em up and then empty 'em.
- the time, to save money. I think I had all teaching methods in use.
- With the small fry I used a small paddle to win their confidence and
- arouse their enthusiasm for an education. With the pupils larger and
- more muscular than their teacher I used love and moral suasion.
- We ended the school with an "exhibition." Did you ever attend the
- old back-country "last day of school exhibition"? The people that
- day came from all over the township. They were so glad our school
- was closing they all turned out to make it a success. They brought
- great baskets of provender and we had a feast. We covered the
- school desks with boards, and then covered the boards with piles of
- Then we had a "doings." Everybody did a stunt. We executed a lot of
- literature that day. Execute is the word that tells what happened
- speak their "pieces." I hardly knew them and they hardly knew me,
- for we were "dressed up." Many a head showed father had mowed it
- with the sheepshears. Mother had been busy with the wash-rag--clear
- back of the ears! And into them! So many of them wore collars that
- stuck out all stiff like they had pushed their heads on thru their
- I can see them speaking their "pieces." I can see "The Soldier of
- the Legion lay dying in Algiers." We had him die again that day,
- and he had a lingering end as we executed him. I can see "The boy
- stood on the burning deck, whence all but he had fled." I can see
- "Mary's little lamb" come slipping over the stage. I see the
- There came a breathless hush as "teacher" came forward as the last
- act on the bill to say farewell. It was customary to cry. I wanted
- my eyes. Tears rolled down my cheeks until I could hear them
- And my pupils wept as their dear teacher said farewell. Parents
- them up, but they wept the more.
- never got home with the money. Talk about the fool and his money
- For on the way home I met Deacon K, and he borrowed it all. Deacon K
- was "such a good man" and a "pillar of the church." I used to wonder,
- confidence in the deacon.
- scarcely know whether to look up or down as I say that. He never
- but I paid all the money I got from it--two hundred and forty
- from the books, that it takes less wisdom to make money, than it
- Which is no slap at the church, but at its worst enemies, the foes
- Calling the Class-Roll
- imagine most lecturers have a hard time lecturing in the home town.
- Their schoolmates and playmates are apt to be down there in the
- front rows with their families, and maybe all the old scores have
- not yet been settled. The boy he fought with may be down there.
- Perhaps the girl who gave him the "mitten" is there.
- And he has gotten his lecture out of that home town. The heroes and
- villains live there within striking distance. Perhaps they have
- come to hear him. "Is not this the carpenter's son?" Perhaps this
- is why some lecturers and authors are not so popular in the home
- I went back to the same hall to speak, and stood upon the same platform
- Then I went back to the little hotel and sat up alone in my room
- half the night living it over. Time was when I thought anybody who
- could live in that hotel was a superior order of being. But the
- time had come when I knew the person who could go on living in any
- a picture of the school in that town that had been taken twenty-one
- years before, just before commencement. I had not seen the picture
- these twenty-one years, for I could not then afford to buy one. The
- charge of the world. They were so glad the world had waited so long
- on them. They were so willing to take charge of the world. They
- There was one boy in the class who was not naturally bright. It was
- not the one you may be thinking of! No, it was Jim Lambert. He had
- intellect. He was "conditioned" into the senior class. We all felt
- As commencement day approached, the committee of the class
- appointed for that purpose took Jim back of the schoolhouse and
- broke the news to him that they were going to let him graduate, but
- they were not going to let him speak, because he couldn't make a
- speech that would do credit to such a brilliant class. They hid Jim
- on the stage back of the oleander commencement night.
- Shake the barrel!
- The girl who was to become the authoress became the helloess in the
- the community. The girl who was to become the poetess became the
- goddess at the general delivery window and superintendent of the
- stamp-licking department of the home postoffice. The boy who was
- going to Confess was raising the best corn in the county, and his
- wife was speaker of the house.
- Most of them were doing very well even Jim Lambert. Jim had become
- the head of one of the big manufacturing plants of the South, with
- a lot of men working for him. The committee that took him out
- behind the schoolhouse to inform him he could not speak at
- marked, "Mr. Lambert, Private." They would have to send up their
- cards, and the watchdog who guards the door would tell them, "Cut
- it short, he's busy!" before they could break any news to him
- They hung a picture of Mr. Lambert in the high school at the last
- alumni meeting. They hung it on the wall near where the oleander
- a bit of cheer from the story of Jim?
- that school picture and the twenty-one years. There were fifty-four
- young people in that picture. They had been shaken these years in
- the barrel, and now as I called the roll on them, most of them that
- Congress and one had gone to the penitentiary. Some had gone to
- almost every note on the keyboard of human possibility had been
- struck by the one school of fifty-four.
- When that picture was taken the oldest was not more than eighteen,
- yet most of them seemed already to have decided their destinies.
- The twenty-one years that followed had not changed their courses.
- The only changes had come where God had come into a life to uplift
- that the foolish dreams of success faded before the natural
- unfolding of talents, which is the real success. I saw better that
- "the boy is father to the man."
- The boy who skimmed over his work in school was skimming over his
- work as a man. The boy who went to the bottom of things in school
- was going to the bottom of things in manhood. Which had helped him
- to go to the top of things!
- Jim Lambert had merely followed the call of talents unseen in him
- The lazy boy became a "tired" man. The industrious boy became an
- industrious man. The sporty boy became a sporty man. The
- domineering egotist boy became the domineering egotist man.
- The boy who traded knives with me and beat me--how I used to envy
- him! Why was it he could always get the better of me? Well, he went
- on trading knives and getting the better of people. Now, twenty-one
- years afterwards, he was doing time in the state penitentiary for
- when he did the same things on a smaller scale they called him
- The "perfectly lovely" boy who didn't mix with the other boys, who
- combed, and said, "If you please," used to hurt me. He was the
- teacher's model boy. All the mothers of the community used to say
- to their own reprobate offspring, "Why can't you be like Harry?
- He'll be President of the United States some day, and you'll be in
- believe Mr. Webster defines a model as a small imitation of the
- because he hadn't the energy to be anything else. It was the boys
- who had the hustle and the energy, who occasionally needed
- I have said little about the girls of the school. Fact was, at that
- age I didn't pay much attention to them. I regarded them as in the
- way. But I naturally thought of Clarice, our social pet of the
- class--our real pretty girl who won the vase in the home paper
- beauty contest. Clarice went right on remaining in the social
- spotlight, primping and flirting. She outshone all the rest. But it
- popularity for success. The boys voted for her, but did not marry
- her. Most of the girls who shone with less social luster became the
- happy homemakers of the community.
- But as I looked into the face of Jim Lambert in the picture, my
- heart warmed at the sight of another great success--a sweet-faced
- these years to support a home and care for her family. She had kept
- her grace and sweetness thru it all, and the influence of her
- The Boy I Had Envied
- Frank was the boy I had envied. He had everything--a fine home,
- a loving father, plenty of money, opportunity and a great career
- Everybody said Frank would make his mark in the world and make
- the town proud of him.
- I was the janitor of the schoolhouse. Some of my classmates will
- never know how their thoughtless jeers and jokes wounded the
- sensitive, shabby boy who swept the floors, built the fires and
- carried in the coal. After commencement my career seemed to end and
- the careers of Frank and the rest of them seemed to begin. They
- But the week after commencement I had to go into a printing office,
- roll up my sleeves and go to work in the "devil's corner" to earn
- Many a time as I plugged at the "case" I would think of Frank and wonder
- why some people had all the good things and I had all the hard things.
- Twenty-one years afterward as I got off the train in the home town,
- I asked, "Where is he?" We went out to the cemetery, where I stood
- at a grave and read on the headstone, "Frank."
- I had the story of a tragedy--the tragedy of modern unpreparedness.
- It was the story of the boy who had every opportunity, but who had
- all the struggle taken out of his life. He never followed his
- a fortune, broke his father's heart, shocked the community, and
- It revived the memory of the story of Ben Hur.
- Do you remember it? The Jewish boy is torn from his home in
- trial at the hands of this world. That is why the great Judge has
- said, judge not, for you have not the full evidence in the case. I
- Then they condemn him. They lead him away to the galleys. They
- chain him to the bench and to the oar. There follow the days and
- long years when he pulls on the oar under the lash. Day after day
- he pulls on the oar. Day after day he writhes under the sting of
- the lash. Years of the cruel injustice pass. Ben Hur is the
- That seems to be your life and my life. In the kitchen or the
- the oar and pulling under the sting of the lash of necessity. Life
- look across the street and see somebody who lives a happier life.
- That one is chained to no oar. See what a fine time they all have.
- Why must we pull on the oar?
- they, too, pull on the oar and feel the lash. Most likely they are
- looking back at us and envying us. For while we envy others, others
- But look at the chariot race in Antioch. See the thousands in the
- circus. See Messala, the haughty Roman, and see! Ben Hur from the
- galleys in the other chariot pitted against him. Down the course
- dash these twin thunderbolts. The thousands hold their breath. "Who
- will win?" "The man with the stronger forearms," they whisper.
- There comes the crucial moment in the race. See the man with the
- stronger forearms. They are bands of steel that swell in the
- forearms of Ben Hur. They swing those flying Arabians into the
- inner ring. Ben Hur wins the race! Where got the Jew those huge
- forearms? From the galleys!
- Had Ben Hur never pulled on the oar, he never could have won the
- mistakes in the bookkeeping. As we pull on the oar, so often lashed
- interest in the bank account of strength. Sooner or later the time
- on--when we win the victory, strike the deciding blow, stand while
- those around us fall--and it is won with the forearms earned in the
- galleys of life by pulling on the oar.
- That is why I thanked God as I stood at the grave of my classmate.
- I thanked God for parents who believed in the gospel of struggle,
- and for the circumstances that compelled it.
- But I am a very grateful pupil in the first reader class of The
- The Book in the Running Brook
- THERE is a little silvery sheet of water in Minnesota called Lake Itasca.
- There is a place where a little stream leaps out from the lake.
- "Ole!" you will exclaim, "the lake is leaking. What is the name of
- So even the Father of Waters has to begin as a creek. We are at the
- cradle where the baby river leaps forth. We all start about alike.
- It wabbles around thru the woods of Minnesota. It doesn't know
- where it is going, but it is "on the way."
- to the place where all of us get sooner or later. The place where
- Paul came on the road to Damascus. The place of the "heavenly vision."
- It is the place where gravity says, "Little Mississippi, do you
- want to grow? Then you will have to go south."
- The little Mississippi starts south. He says to the people,
- "Goodbye, folks, I am going south." The folks at Itascaville say,
- get out of the county." That is a fact, but he is not trying to get
- out of the county. The Mississippi is only trying to go south.
- The Mississippi knows nothing about the Gulf of Mexico. He does not
- He goes a foot south, then another foot south. He goes a mile
- goes on south. He picks up another stream and grows some more. Day
- My friends, here is one of the best pictures I can find in nature
- orations, especially in high school commencements, entitled, "The
- Value of a Goal in Life." But the direction is vastly more
- important than the goal. Find the way your life should go, and then
- supplies we will need along the way. All we have to do is to start
- and we will find the resources all along the way. We will grow as
- we flow. All of us can start! And then go on south!
- not at the end of the journey, for there is no end. Success is
- every day in flowing and growing. The Mississippi is a success in
- You and I sooner or later hear the call, "Go on south." If we
- haven't heard it, let us keep our ear to the receiver and live a
- more natural life, so that we can hear the call. We are all called.
- It is a divine call--the call of our unfolding talents to be used.
- Remember, the Mississippi goes south. If he had gone any other
- Three wonderful things develop as the Mississippi goes on south.
- 3. He blesses the valley, but the valley does not bless him.
- You never meet the Mississippi after he starts south, but what he
- The Mississippi gets to St. Paul and Minneapolis. He is a great
- river now--the most successful river in the state. But he does not
- Do you know why the Mississippi goes on south? To continue to be
- the Mississippi. If he should stop and stagnate, he would not be
- the Mississippi, river. he would become a stagnant, poisonous pond.
- As long as people keep on going south, they keep on living. When
- they stop and stagnate, they die.
- That is why I am making it the slogan of my life--GO ON SOUTH AND
- each day. I wish I could write it over the pulpits, over the
- schoolrooms, over the business houses and homes--GO ON SOUTH AND
- GROW GREATER. For this is life, and there is no other. This is
- education--and religion. And the only business of life.
- You and I start well. We go on south a little ways, and then we
- retire. Even young people as they start south and make some little
- their press notices. Their friends crowd around them to congratulate
- them. "I must congratulate you upon your success. You have arrived."
- So many of those young goslings believe that. They quit and get
- canned. They think they have gotten to the Gulf of Mexico when they
- have not gotten out of the woods of Minnesota. Go on south!
- one victory. Success goes to the head and defeat goes to "de feet."
- It makes them work harder.
- The Plague of Incompetents
- Civilization is mostly a conspiracy to keep us from going very far south.
- The one who keeps on going south defies custom and becomes unorthodox.
- But contentment with present achievement is the damnation of the race.
- The mass of the human family never go on south far enough to
- become good servants, workmen or artists. The young people get a
- smattering and squeeze into the bottom position and never go on
- south to efficiency and promotion. They wonder why their genius is
- not recognized. They do not make it visible.
- few shorthand characters and irritate a typewriter keyboard. They
- a stenographer. They mangle the language, grammar, spelling,
- capitalization and punctuation. Their eyes are on the clock, their
- minds on the movies.
- Nine out of ten workmen cannot be trusted to do what they advertise
- to do, because they have never gone south far enough to become
- efficient. Many a professional man is in the same class.
- Half of our life is spent in getting competents to repair the
- I could not play so well with such little practice." The poor
- is the opiate that Nature administers to deaden the pains of mediocrity.
- always get results. See the one shrivel who goes around
- We say, "I've seen my best days." And the undertaker goes and
- Go on south! We have not seen our best days. This is the best day
- A-B-C's. I do not utter that as a bit of sentiment, but as the
- great fundamental of our life. I hope the oldest in years sees that
- eternal youth. It is the one who stops who "ages rapidly." Each day
- We have left nothing behind but the husks. I would not trade this
- moment for all the years before it. I have their footings at
- compound interest! They are dead. This is life.
- Yesterday I had a birthday. I looked in the glass and communed with
- You children cheer up. Your black hair and auburn hair and the other
- Don't worry about gray hair or baldness. Only worry about the location
- of your gray hair or baldness. If they get on the inside of the head,
- worry. Do you know why corporations sometimes say they do not want
- to employ gray-headed men? They have found that so many of them
- have quit going on south and have gotten gray on the inside--or bald.
- These same corporations send out Pinkertons and pay any price for
- gray-headed men--gray on the outside and green on the inside. They
- are the most valuable, for they have the vision and wisdom of many
- years and the enthusiasm and "pep" and courage of youth.
- The preacher, the teacher--everyone who gets put on the retired
- The most wonderful person in the world is the one who has lived
- years and years on earth and has perhaps gotten gray on the
- outside, but has kept young and fresh on the inside. Put that
- person in the pulpit, in the schoolroom, in the office, behind the
- ticket-window or on the bench--or under the hod--and you find the
- O, I want to forget all the past, save its lessons. I am just
- the "limit." I shiver as I think what I was saying then. I want to
- go on south shivering about yesterday. These years I have noticed
- the people on the platform who were contented with their offerings,
- were not trying to improve them, and were lost in admiration of
- what they were doing, did not stay long on the platform. I have
- watched them come and go, come and go. I have heard their fierce
- invectives against the bureaus and ungrateful audiences that were
- "prejudiced" against them.
- Birthdays are not annual affairs. Birthdays are the days when we
- have a new birth. The days when we go on south to larger visions.
- The more birthdays we have, the nearer we approach eternal youth!
- The spectacle of Sarah Bernhardt, past seventy, thrilling and
- gripping audiences with the fire and brilliancy of youth, is
- acting, for she remains the "Divine Sarah" with no crippling of her
- work. She looks younger than many women of half her years. "The
- ninety-two was working as hard and hopefully as any man of the
- the Odd Fellows' Home near Elkins, where he lived. On the porch of
- the home was a row of old men inmates. The senator shook hands with
- these men and one by one they rose from the bench to return his
- The last man on the bench did not rise. He helplessly looked up at
- the senator and said, "Senator, you'll have to excuse me from
- get up, either."
- The senator at ninety-two was younger than the man "past sixty,"
- When I was a little boy I saw them bring the first phonograph that
- Mr. Edison invented into the meeting at Lakeside, Ohio. The people
- cheered when they heard it talk.
- But the people said, "Mr. Edison has succeeded." There was one man
- south. A million people would have stopped there and said, "I have
- arrived." They would have put in their time litigating for their
- rights with other people who would have gone on south with the
- on south. A young lady succeeded in getting into his laboratory the
- other day, and she wrote me that the great inventor showed her one
- I doubt if there are ten men in America who could go on south in
- the face of seven thousand failures. Today he brings forth a
- what he has said to reporters and what he said to the young lady,
- me how much there is yet to do."
- What a difference between "ed" and "ing"! The difference between
- Moses, the great Hebrew law-giver, was eighty years old before he
- even get on the back page of the Egyptian newspapers till he was
- eighty. He went on south into the extra editions after that!
- If Moses had retired to a checkerboard in the grocery store or to
- pitching horseshoes up the alley and talking about "ther winter of
- fifty-four," he would have become the seventeenth mummy on the
- thirty-ninth row in the green pickle-jar!
- Imagine Moses living today amidst the din of the high school
- orations on "The Age of the Young Man" and the Ostler idea that you
- time" when he becomes the leader of the Israelite host.
- I would see his scandalized friends gather around him. "Moses! Moses!
- what is this we hear? You going to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land?
- And keep out of the night air. It is so hard on old folks."
- I see Moses at eighty starting for the Wilderness so fast Aaron
- enthusiastic than ever. The people say, "Isn't Moses dead?" "No."
- They appoint a committee to bury Moses. You cannot do anything in
- America without a committee. The committee gets out the invitations
- and makes all the arrangements for a gorgeous funeral next
- Thursday. They get ready the resolutions of respect--
- Then I see the committee waiting on Moses. That is what a committee
- does--it "waits" on something or other. And this committee goes up
- to General Moses' private office. It is his busy day. They have to
- stand in line and wait their turn. When they get up to Moses' desk,
- the great prophet says, "Boys, what is it? Cut it short, I'm busy."
- The committee begins to weep. "General Moses, you are a very old
- man. You are eighty-five years old and full of honors. We are the
- committee duly authorized to give you gorgeous burial. The funeral
- They cannot bury Moses. He cannot attend. You cannot bury anybody
- until he consents. It is bad manners! The committee is so
- mortified, for all the invitations are out. It waits.
- Moses is eighty-six and the committee 'phones over, "Moses, can you
- The committee waits. Moses is ninety and rushed more than ever.
- himself. But he makes the committee wait.
- Moses is ninety-five and burning the candle at both ends.
- He is a hundred. And the committee dies!
- is a hundred and twenty. Even then I read, "His eye was not dim,
- So God buried him. The committee was dead. O, friends, this is not
- irreverence. It is joyful reverence. It is the message to all of
- us, Go on south to the greater things, and get so enthused and
- absorbed in our going that we'll fool the "committee."
- All the multitudes of the Children of Israel died in the Wilderness.
- They were afraid to go on south. Only two of them went on south--
- Joshua and Caleb. They put the giants out of business.
- The Indians once owned America. But they failed to go on south.
- So another crop of Americans came into the limelight. If we modern
- Americans do not go on south we will join the Indians, the auk
- and the dodo.
- The "Sob Squad"
- I am so sorry for the folks who quit, retire, "get on the shelf" or
- They generally join the "sob squad."
- They generally discover the world is "going to the dogs." They cry
- on my shoulder, no matter how good clothes I wear.
- They tell me nobody uses them right. The person going on south has
- They say nobody loves them. Which is often a fact. Nobody loves the
- They say, "Only a few more days of trouble, only a few more
- they do with them when they get them there? They would be dill
- pickles in the heavenly preserve-jar.
- They say, "I wish I were a child again. I was happy when I was a
- child and I'm not happy now. Them was the best days of my life
- the horrors of childhood could not be hired to live it over again.
- If there is anybody who does not have a good time, if there is
- Waiting till the "Second Table"
- I wish I could forget many of my childhood memories. I remember the
- palmy days. And the palm!
- I had advantages. I was born in a parsonage and was reared in the
- nurture and admiration of the Lord. I am not just sure I quoted
- about all there was to inherit. I cannot remember when I was not
- hungry. I used to go around feeling like the Mammoth Cave, never
- children going sadly into the next room to "wait till the second
- that my heart does not go out to them. I remember when I did that.
- Elder Berry always stayed for dinner. He was one of the easiest men
- Mother would stay home from "quart'ly meeting" to get the big
- dinner ready. She would cook up about all the "brethren" brought in
- at the last donation. We had one of those stretchable tables,
- and mother would stretch it clear across the room and put on two
- table-cloths. She would lap them over in the middle, where the hole was.
- I would watch her get the big dinner ready. I would look over the
- long table and view the "promised land." I would see her set on the
- jelly. I don't just remember if they had blue jelly, but if they
- had it we had it on that table. All the jelly that ever "jelled"
- meeting" day. I would watch the jelly tremble. Did you ever see
- I would see mother put on the tallest pile of mashed potatoes you
- ever saw. She would make a hollow in the top and fill it with
- butter. I would see the butter melt and run down the sides, and I
- would say, "Hurry, mother, it is going to spill!" O, how I wanted
- And then Elder Berry would sit down at the table, at the end
- nearest the fried chicken. The "company" would sit down. I used to
- "company" had to come and gobble it up. They would fill the table
- and father would sit down in the last seat. There was no place for
- me to sit. Father would say, "You go into the next room, my boy,
- and wait. There's no room for you at the table."
- The hungriest one of that assemblage would have to go in the next
- room and hear the big dinner. Did you ever hear a big dinner when
- you felt like the Mammoth Cave? I used to think as I would sit in
- the next room that heaven would be a place where everybody would
- eat at the first table.
- I would watch them thru the key-hole. It was going so fast. There
- was only one piece of chicken left. It was the neck. O, Lord, spare
- the neck! And I would hear them say, "Elder Berry, may we help you
- to another piece of the chicken?"
- And Elder Berry would take the neck!
- Many a time after that, Elder Berry would come into the room where
- I was starving. He would say, "Brother Parlette, is this your
- boy?" He would come over to the remains of Brother Parlette's boy.
- My head was not the place that needed the benediction.
- When all the chicken was gone and he had taken the neck! "My boy,
- you are seeing the best days of your life right now as a child."
- The dear old liar! I was seeing the worst days of my life. If there
- is anybody shortchanged--if there is anybody who doesn't have a
- and today is the best day of all. Go on south!
- more like mine like a piece of sandpaper. There are chapters of
- afterwhile the same child will hold a quart.
- I think I hold a gallon now. And I see people in the audience who
- today it is such a relief to look people in the face and say,
- think if people in an audience only knew how little I know, they
- But some day I shall know! I patiently wait for the answer. Every
- day brings the answer to something I could not answer yesterday.
- As the Mississippi River goes on south he finds obstacles along the
- They have built a great concrete obstacle clear across the path of
- the river. It is many feet high, and many, many feet long. The
- river cannot go on south. Watch him. He rises higher than the
- Over the great power dam at Keokuk sweeps the Mississippi. And then
- you see the struggle of overcoming the obstacle develops light and
- power to vitalize the valley. A hundred towns and cities radiate
- the light and power from the struggle. The great city of St. Louis,
- many miles away, throbs with the victory.
- So that is why they spent the millions to build the obstacle--to
- get the light and the power. The light and the power were latent in
- the river, but it took the obstacle and the overcoming to develop
- Obstacles are the power stations on our way south!
- And where the most obstacles are, there you find the most power to
- southward and we see the obstacles in the road. "I am so
- unfortunate. I could do these great things, but alas! I have so
- many obstacles in the way."
- Thank God! You are blessed of Providence. They do not waste the
- obstacles. The presence of the obstacles means that there is a lot
- I hear people saying, "I hope the time may speedily come when I
- ring up the hearse, for you will be a "dead one."
- Life is going on south, and overcoming the obstacles. Death is
- The fact that we are not buried is no proof that we are alive. Go
- along the street in almost any town and see the dead ones. There
- they are decorating the hitching-racks and festooning the
- storeboxes. There they are blocking traffic at the postoffice and
- depot. There they are in the hotel warming the chairs and making
- the guests stand up. There they are--rows of retired farmers who
- they will never need anything more than burying.
- For they are dead from the ears up. They have not thought a new
- thought the past month. Sometimes they sit and think, but generally
- they just sit. They have not gone south an inch the past year.
- Usually the deadest loafer is married to the livest woman. Nature
- They block the wheels of progress and get in the way of the people
- trying to go on south. They say of the people trying to do things.
- They do not join in to promote the churches and schools and big
- brother movements. They growl at the lyceum courses and chautauquas,
- because they "take money outa town." They do not take any of their
- money "outa town." Ringling and Barnum & Bailey get theirs.
- I do not smile as I refer to the dead. I weep. I wish I could
- squirt some "pep" into them and start them on south.
- But all this lecture has been discussing this, so I hurry on to the
- last glimpse of the book in the running brook.
- Here we come to the most wonderful and difficult thing in life. It
- is the supreme test of character. That is, Why go on south? Not for
- for anything outside, but for the happiness that comes from within.
- The Mississippi blesses the valley every day as he goes on south
- and overcomes. But the valley does not bless the river in return.
- The valley throws its junk back upon the river. The valley pours
- its foul, muddy, poisonous streams back upon the Mississippi to
- defile him. The Mississippi makes St. Paul and Minneapolis about
- all the prosperity they have, gives them power to turn their mills.
- But the Twin Cities merely throw their waste back upon their
- The Mississippi does not resign. He does not tell a tale of woe. He
- I am not going a step farther south. I am going right back to Lake
- Itasca." No, he does not even go to live with his father-in-law.
- few miles below the Twin Cities and see how, by some mysterious
- alchemy of Nature, the Mississippi has taken over all the poison
- and the defilement, he has purified it and clarified it, and has
- made it a part of himself. And he is greater and farther south!
- He fattens upon bumps. Kick him, and you push him farther south.
- Civilization conspires to defeat the Mississippi. Chicago's
- drainage canal pollutes him. The flat, lazy Platte, three miles
- wide and three inches deep; the peevish, destructive Kaw, and all
- those streams that unite to form the treacherous, sinful,
- irresponsible lower Missouri; the big, muddy Ohio, the Arkansas,
- the Red, the black and the blue floods--all these pour into the
- Day by day the Father of Waters goes on south, taking them over and
- purifying them and making them a part of himself. Nothing can
- Wonderful the book in the running brook! We let our life stream
- along such a heart full of the injuries that other people have done
- As you go on south and bless your valley, do you notice the valley
- does not bless you very much? Have you sadly noted that the people
- you help the most often are the least grateful in return?
- Don't wait to be thanked. Hurry on to avoid the kick! Do good to
- others because that is the way to be happy, but do not wait for a
- There is nobody who does not have that to meet. The preacher, the
- teacher, the editor, the man in office, the business man, the
- father and mother--every one who tries to carry on the work of the
- church, the school, the lyceum and chautauqua, the work that makes
- Stop! You are not saying that. The evil one is whispering that into
- get the sharp edge started into your thought, he is going to drive
- You do not go south and overcome your obstacles and bless the
- YOU ARE SAVING YOURSELF BY SAVING OTHERS. GO ON SOUTH!
- ourselves that we are working to do good, when as we do the good,
- us a medal or resolutions, we want to quit. That is why there are
- so many disappointed and disgruntled people in the world. They worked
- for outside thanks instead of inside thanks. They were trying to
- be personal saviours. They say this is an ungrateful world.
- O, how easy it is to say these things, and how hard it is to do them!
- Reaching the Gulf
- But because the Mississippi does these things, one day the train I
- I watched them pile the steel train upon a ferry-boat. I watched
- the boat crossing a river more than a mile wide. Standing upon the
- ferry-boat, I could look down into the lordly river and then far
- north perhaps fifteen hundred miles to the little struggling
- streamlet starting southward thru the forests of Minnesota, there
- writing the first chapter of this wonderful book in the running brook.
- I thank God that I had gone a little farther southward in my own
- life. Father of Waters, you have fought a good fight. You are
- conquering gloriously. You bear upon your bosom the commerce of
- you get in the right channel, saw you learn the lessons of your
- And may we read it into our own lives. May we get the vision of
- which way to go, and then keep on going south--on and on, overcoming,
- getting the lessons of the bumps, the strength from the struggle
- Where shall we stop going south? At the Gulf of Mexico?
- The Mississippi knows nothing about the gulf. He goes on south
- until he reaches the gulf. Then he pushes right on into the gulf as
- many miles right out into the gulf.
- And when he comes to the end of his physical banks, he pushes on
- south into the gulf, and goes on south round and round the globe.
- south. So we push our physical banks years farther into the gulf.
- into the great Gulf of the Beyond, to go on south unfolding thru eternity.
- The Defeats that are Victories
- blessing that we have not the million. Perhaps it would make us
- other people to make them lazy, selfish and unhappy.
- O, the problem is not how to get money, but how to get rid of
- money with the least injury to the race!
- Perhaps getting the million would completely spoil us. Look at the
- wild cat and then look at the tabby cat. The wild cat supports
- itself and the tabby cat has its million. So the tabby cat has to
- If the burden were lifted from most of us we would go to wreck.
- Necessity is the ballast in our life voyage.
- When you hear the orator speak and you note the ease and power of
- his work, do you think of the years of struggle he spent in
- preparing? Do you ever think of the times that orator tried to
- mortified and broken-hearted? Thru it all there came the
- When you hear the musician and note the ease and grace of the
- performance, do you think of the years of struggle and overcoming
- necessary to produce that finish and grace? That is the story of
- the actor, the author and every other one of attainment.
- Do you note that the tropics, the countries with the balmiest
- climates, produce the weakest peoples? Do you note that the
- The tropics are the geographical Gussielands.
- blessings in disguise. People go to the devil with full pockets;
- they turn to God when hunger hits them. "Is not this Babylon that
- I have builded?" says the Belshazzar of material prosperity as he
- drinks to his gods. Then must come the Needful and Needless Knocks
- handwriting upon the wall to save him.
- You have to shoot many men's eyes out before they can see. You have
- to crack their heads before they can think, knock them down before
- they can stand, break their hearts before they can sing, and
- bankrupt them before they can be rich.
- Do you remember that they had to lock John Bunyan in Bedford jail
- the world will always hear? Do you remember that one author became
- blind before writing "Paradise Lost" the world will always read?
- remembered had he lived the life of luxury planned for him? He had
- to be blinded before he could see the way to real success. He had
- to be scourged and fettered to become the Apostle to the Gentiles.
- Do you not see all around you that success is ever the phoenix
- rising from the ashes of defeat?
- Then, children, when you stand in the row of graduates on
- For that is the only way to say, "Success to you!"
- Go Up the Mountain
- the wounded dog. I wanted to crawl away to lick my wounds.
- It is a wonderful experience to climb Mount Lowe. The tourists go
- up half a mile into Rubio Canyon, to the engineering miracle, the
- triangular car that hoists them out of the hungry chasm thirty-five
- hundred feet up the side of a granite cliff, to the top of Echo Mountain.
- Here they find that Echo Mountain is but a shelf on the side of
- Mount Lowe. Here they take an electric car that winds five miles on
- towards the sky. There is hardly a straight rail in the track.
- There are places where the tourist wants to grasp his seat and
- lift. There is a wooden shelf nailed to the side of the perpendicular
- rockwall where his life depends upon the honesty of the man who drove
- the nails. He may wonder if the man was working by the day or by the job!
- He looks over the edge of the shelf downward, and then turns to the other
- side to look at the face of the cliff they are hugging, and discovers
- there is no place to resign!
- The car is five thousand feet high where it stops on that last shelf,
- Alpine Tavern. One cannot ride farther upward. This is not the summit,
- but just where science surrenders. There is a little trail that winds
- upward from Alpine Tavern to the summit. It is three miles long
- To go up that last eleven hundred feet and stand upon the flat rock
- at the summit of Mount Lowe is to get a picture so wonderful it
- feet, more than a mile, into the orange belt of Southern California.
- and emerald, where the miles seem like inches, and where his
- Just below is Pasadena and Los Angeles. To the westward perhaps
- forty miles is the blue stretch of the Pacific Ocean, on westward
- the faint outlines of Catalina Islands. The ocean seems so close
- distances. You throw the pebble and it falls upon your toes!
- And Mount Lowe is but a shelf on the side of the higher Sierras.
- The granite mountains rise higher to the northward, and to the east
- This is one of the workshops of the infinite!
- All alone I scrambled up that three-mile trail to the summit. All
- alone I stood upon the flat rock at the summit and looked down into
- the swimming distances. I did not know why I had struggled up into
- I saw clouds down in the valley below me. I had never before looked
- down upon clouds. I thought of the cloud that had covered me in the
- valley below, and dully watched the clouds spread wider and blacker.
- Afterwhile the valley was all hidden by the clouds. I knew rain
- must be falling down there. The people must be saying, "The sun
- doesn't shine. The sky is all gone." But I saw the truth--the sun
- was shining. The sky was in place. A cloud had covered down over
- that first mile. The sun was shining upon me, the sky was all blue
- over me, and there were millions of miles of sunshine above me. I
- could see all this because I had gone above the valley. I could see
- above the clouds.
- the clouds of trouble today, BUT THE SUN IS SHINING!
- I must go on up the mountain to see it.
- The years have been passing, the stormclouds have many times hidden
- my sun. But I have always found the sun shining above them. No
- matter how black and sunless today, when I have struggled on up the
- mountain path, I have gotten above the clouds and found the sun
- Each day as I go up the mountain I get a larger vision. The miles
- that seem so great down in the valley, seem so small as I look down
- upon them from higher up. Each day as I look back I see more
- clearly the plan of a human life. The rocks, the curves and the
- struggles fit into a divine engineering plan to soften the
- steepness of the ascent. The bumps are lifts. The things that seem
- so important down in the smudgy, stormswept valley, seem so
- unimportant as we go higher up the mountain to more important
- Today I look back to the bump that sent me up Mount Lowe. I did not
- see how I could live past that bump. The years have passed and I now
- know it was one of the greatest blessings of my life. It closed one
- gate, but it opened another gate to a better pathway up the mountain.
- Late that day I was clambering down the side of Mount Lowe. Down in
- the valley below me I saw shadows. Then I looked over into the
- southwest and I could see the sun going down. I could see him sink
- lower and lower until his red lips kissed the cheek of the Pacific.
- The glory of the sunset filled sea and sky with flames of gold and
- fountains of rainbows. Such a sunset from the mountain-side is a
- The shadows of sunset widened over the valley. Presently all the
- valley was black with the shadow. It was night down there. The
- people were saying, "The sun doesn't shine." But it was not night
- where I stood. I was farther up the mountain. I turned and looked
- up to the summit. The beams of the setting sun were yet gilding
- Mount Lowe's summit. It was night down in the valley, but it was
- day on the mountain top!
- Child of humanity, are you in the storm? Go on upward. Are you in
- the night? Go on upward.
- For the peace and the light are always above the storm and the
- I am going on upward. Take my hand and let us go together. Mount Lowe
- showed the way that dark day. There I heard the "sermons in stones."
- material things where the storms have raged.
- But I shall be on the mountain top. I shall look down upon the
- night, as I am learning to climb and look down upon the storms. I
- shall be in the new day of the mountain-top, forever above the night.
- I shall find this mountain-top just another shelf on the side of
- the Mountain of Infinite Unfolding. I shall have risen perhaps only
- the first mile. I shall have millions of miles yet to rise.
- This will be another Commencement Day and Master's Degree. Infinite
- the number on up. "Eye hath not seen nor ear heard, neither have
- entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared
- for them that love Him."
- ANOTHER BEGINNING
- The Big Business of Life
- This book proves that the real big business is that of getting our
- Judge Ben B. Lindsey, the kids' Judge, says:
- ought to buy them by the gross and send them to their friends."
- Dr. J. G. Crabbe, President of the State Teachers College,
- "The Big Business of Life is a real joy to read. It is big and
- The Augsberg Teacher, a Magazine for Teachers, says:
- "In The Big Business of Life we have the practical philosophy
- mortals take their work too seriously, and that to them it is a
- find it when we are bending to our duties is to possess the
- secret of living to the full. And happiness is to be sought
- within, and not among the things that lie at our feet. The
- a world of good to learn. It recalls the saying of the wise man
- Many who have read The Big Business of Life
- write us that they think it is even better than "The
- University of Hard Knocks," which, they add, is
- The Best is Yet to Come
- The Salvation of a Sucker
- These booklets by Ralph Parlette are short stories adapted from
- chapters in "The University of Hard Knocks."
- John C. Carroll, President of the Hyde Park State Bank of Chicago,
- bought 1000 copies of the booklet "It's Up to You!" and of it he
- says. "Parlette's Beans and Nuts is just as good as the Message to
- Garcia and will be handed around just us much. I have handed the book
- own vice president, and they all want another copy to send to some
- friend. I would rather be author of it than president of the bank."
- Up to You!" for their workers.
- William Jennings Bryan says of the booklet "Go On South": "It is
- one of the great stories of the day."
- Charles Grilk of Davenport, says: "My two children and I read the
- Mississippi River story together and we were thoroly delighted."
- Instruct us to send one of these booklets to your friends. It will
- delight them more than any small present you can make.
- End of Project Gutenberg etext of "The University of Hard Knocks"
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