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Quick title search:
Sushma Kishore
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Jokes
[Karmasaya] > Jokes
[whodunnit]
[IT jokes]
[Read It and Think It]
[Definitions Redefined]
Conversation of William Knott and Mr Watt.
[Jokes] > Conversation of William Knott and Mr Watt.
and it is you who have not told me yours yet.
But you already know it!
Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your
{pause before it hits him)
So why didn't you say it before?
[pause before it hits him]
No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?
No, it's Knott!
Interests
[Meditation], [Charity], [Guru]
* [Books], [Articles], [Writing], [Words]
* [Bhagavad Gita]
* [Intuition]
* [Intuition]
* [Meditation], [Mumuksutva] , [Strive] , [Satsangh]
* [Zen] vt. To figure out something by meditation or by a sudden flash of enlightenment. Originally applied to bugs, but occasionally applied to problems of life in general. "How'd you figure out the buffer allocation problem?" "Oh, I zenned it."
![Credits]
![Jokes]
Teacher & Students
[Jokes] > Teacher & Students
STUDENT: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.
GEORGE: Here it is!
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
honesty vs practical
[Jokes] > honesty vs practical
God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
God again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your
God went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your
God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all the three axes.
with his wife along the river, his wife fell into the river. When he began
God went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is
The woodcutter quickly said, "Forgive me My Lord. It is an
If I say "No" to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine Zeta
Jones. If I also say "No" to her, you will finally come up with my wife and I
The Mask
[Jokes] > The Mask
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
whodunnit
[Jokes] > whodunnit?
bow of King Janaka to marry Sita. Here goes the epic......
schools to check the quality of education being given.
with the boy.
complete faith in my staff,they always hope the best
Read It and Think It
[Jokes] > Read It and Think It
Questions:- 1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires,The second is full of assassins with loaded guns,and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3years. Which room is safest for him.
said, "that's nothing, I can stay under water for 10 minutes using no types of equipment or air pockets!" The magician told the kid if he could do that, he'd give him $10,000. The kid did it and won the money. Can you figure out how?
4. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?
5. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
6. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
7. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.
3. The kid filled a glass of water & held it over his head for 10 minutes.
IT jokes
[Jokes] > IT jokes
halt.The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban
enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using hisGPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd answers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man takes an animal and puts it in the back of his
The young man answers, "Yes, why not?" The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant. "How did you know?" Asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew,and third, you don't understand anything about my business..
Definitions Redefined
[Jokes] > Definitions Redefined
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Quotes - Enjoy
[Jokes] > Quotes - Enjoy
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl/boy for an hour, and it seems like a second. THAT'S relativity. - Albert Einstein
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.- Franklin P. Jones
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.- Jerry Seinfeld
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.- Michael Landon
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.- Darrin Weinberg
How to kill a Lion
[Jokes] > How to kill a Lion
Newton's method.(third law): Let the lion to kill you, then obviously the lion will die itself
NarasimaRao method : Why kill....leave the lion as it is.... after sometime it will die by aging.
Manirathnam method : Make sure the lion does not get sun light. Keep murmering something in its ears.the lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Balachandar Method : send a lioness into the forest. our lion and lioness will fall in love with each other.Now send another lioness into the forest, followed by a lion.First lion loves the third lioness and and the second lion loves the 4th lioness, but 4th lioness loves both lions.Now send another lioness in to the forest. u dont understand.(just like paarthaale paravasam)right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u won't!
Barathiraja Method : killing the lion.. damn it....En iniya gramathu singangale !
Holi
IN DAYS of yore, there were communities of cannibals in India. They caused much havoc. They threatened the lives of many innocent people. One of them was Holika or Putana. She took immense delight in devouring children. Sri Krishna destroyed her and thus saved the little children. Even today, the effigy or figure of Holika is burnt in the fire. In South India, the clay figure of Cupid is burnt. This is the origin of the great festival of Holi.
It begins about ten days before the full moon of the month Phalgun (February-March), but is usually only observed for the last three or four days, terminating with the full moon. This is the spring festival of the Hindus. In the spring season all the trees are filled with sweet-smelling flowers. They all proclaim the glory and everlasting beauty of God. They inspire you with hope, joy and a new life, and stir you on to find out the creator and the Indweller, who is hiding Himself in these forms.
Another legend has it that once upon a time an old woman’s grandchild was to be sacrificed to a female demon named Holika. A Sadhu advised that abuse and foul language would subdue Holika. The old woman collected many children and made them abuse Holika in foul language. The demon fell dead on the ground. The children then made a bonfire of her remains.
This same scene is enacted every year to remind people that those who love God shall be saved, and they that torture the devotee of God shall be reduced to ashes. When Holika was burnt, people abused her and sang the glories of the Lord and of His great devotee, Prahlad. In imitation of that, people even today use abusive language, but unfortunately forget to sing the praises of the Lord and His devotee!
In North India, people play joyfully with coloured water. The uncle sprinkles coloured water on his nephew. The niece applies coloured powder on her aunt’s face. Brothers and sisters and cousins play with one another.
Huge bundles of wood are gathered and burnt at night, and everywhere one hears shouts of “Holi-ho! Holi-ho!” People stand in the streets and sprinkle coloured water on any man who passes by, be he a rich man or an officer. There is no restriction on this day. It is like the April Fool’s Day of the Europeans. People compose and sing special Holi songs.
On the festival day, people clean their homes, remove all dirty articles from around the house and burn them. Disease-breeding bacteria are thereby destroyed. The sanitary condition of the locality is improved. During the festival, boys dance about in the streets. People play practical jokes with passers-by. A bonfire is lit towards the conclusion of the festival. Games representing the frolics of the young Krishna take place joyously around a fire.
On the last day of Holi, people take a little fire from this bonfire to their homes. They believe that their homes will be rendered pure, and their bodies free from disease.
Festivals like Holi have their own spiritual value. Apart from the various amusements, they create faith in God if properly observed. Hindu festivals always have a spiritual significance. They wean man away from sensual pleasures and take him gradually to the spiritual path and divine communion. People perform havan and offer the new grains that are harvested to the gods before using them.
There should be worship of God, religious gatherings and Kirtan of the Lord’s Names on such occasions, not merely the sprinkling of coloured water and lighting of bonfires. These functions are to be considered most sacred and spent in devotional prayers, visiting holy places, bathing in sacred waters, and Satsang with great souls. Abundant charity should be done to the poor. Then only can Holi be said to have been properly celebrated. The devotees of the Lord should remember the delightful pastimes of the Lord on such happy occasions.
All great Hindu festivals have religious, social and hygienic elements in them. Holi is no exception. Every season has a festival of its own. Holi is the great spring festival of India. Being an agricultural country, India’s two big festivals come during the harvest time when the barns and granaries of our farmers are full and they have reason to enjoy the fruits of their hard labour. The harvest season is a festive season all over the world.
Man wants relaxation and change after hard work. He needs to be cheered when he is depressed on account of work and anxieties. Festivals like Holi supply him with the real food and tonic to restore his cheer and peace of mind.
The religious element in the Holi festival consists of worship of Krishna. In some places it is also called the Dol Yatra. The word dol literally means “a swing”. An image of Sri Krishna as a babe is placed in a little swing-cradle and decorated with flowers and painted with coloured powders. The pure, innocent frolics of little Krishna with the merry milkmaids (Gopis) of Brindavan are commemorated. Devotees chant the Name of Krishna and sing Holi-songs relating to the frolics of little Krishna with the Gopis.
The social element during Holi is the uniting or “embracing” of the great and the small, of the rich and the poor. It is also the uniting of equals. The festival teaches us to “let the dead bury the dead”. We should forget the outgoing year’s ill-feelings and begin the new year with feelings of love, sympathy, co-operation and equality with all. We should try to feel this oneness or unity with the Self also.
Holi also means “sacrifice”. Burn all the impurities of the mind, such as egoism, vanity and lust, through the fire of devotion and knowledge. Ignite cosmic love, mercy, generosity, selflessness, truthfulness and purity through the fire of Yogic practice. This is the real spirit of Holi. Rise from the mire of stupidity and absurdity and dive deep into the ocean of divinity.
The call of Holi is to always keep ablaze the light of God-love shining in your heart. Inner illumination is the real Holi. The spring season is the manifestation of the Lord, according to the Bhagavad Gita. Holi is said there to be His heart.
Four Great Lessons
[Jokes] > Four Great Lessons
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to Safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of icecream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill onthe table and walked away. The boy finished the icecream, paid the cashier andleft. When the waitress came back, she beganto cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies - You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
In ancient times, a King had aboulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.The peasant learned what many of us never understand.
Every obstacle presents an Opportunity to improve our condition.
It's true we don't know what we've got until we lose it, But, It's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until we have it.
"Small deeds done with great love will change the
AssAssINation by Sardhar
[Jokes] > AssAssINation by Sardhar
inspector decided to visit the English class with the principal. When they
God will save me
[Jokes] > God will save me
A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Bhola, "I'll drop you a rope,grab onto it, and I'll get you out of here."
When he arrived in Heaven, he saw God, and asked Him, "Why didn't you save me from that terrible flood?  Did I not show you my faith?"
With a loving but irritated tone God replied, "What more would you have me do?  I sent people in two boats and a helicopter?"
Wise Old Man
[Jokes] > Wise Old Man
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
Vow of silence
[Jokes] > Vow of silence
One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!" Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days.
The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"
Where is God?
[Jokes] > Where is God?
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was
going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy:
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The
teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she
"FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT"
Index20011224
[Zeitgeist] : [The six mistakes of man]
* [The Masquerade of Charity] and more...
![Credits]
is nature's way of preventing us fighting with strangers.
* Canon [Digital IXUS]
![Jokes]
Ten Things Men Can Do to End Sexism and Male Violence Against Women
* 1 Read about yourself. Read articles, essays, books about masculinity, gender inequality, and the root causes of sexual violence. Educate yourself and others about the connections between larger social forces and the conflicts between individual women and men. Resources: R. W. Connell, Gender and Power; D. Gilmore, Manhood in She Making; M. Messner, D. Sabo, eds., Sport, Men and the Gender Order; J. Stoltenberg, Reusing to Be a Man.
* 2 Understand how your own attitudes and actions perpetuate sexism and violence, and work toward changing them. Examples of typical sexist/abusive behavior:
* Verbally assaulting women by name calling, swearing, mocking, ridiculing, criticizing, accusing, trivializing (Psychological Abuse).
* 3 Confront sexist, racist, homophobic and all other bigoted remarks or jokes. Boycott comedians such as Andrew Dice Clay who verbally assault women in their acts. Boo in comedy clubs when male comedians tell sexist jokes.
* 6 Support candidates for political office who are committed to the full social, economic and political equality of women. Actively oppose candidates who are not.
* 7 Support and fight for increased state and federal funding for battered women's shelters and rape crisis centers. Volunteer where men are needed in public schools, youth outreach centers and political lobby groups.
* 8 Support or propose curriculum changes, at every level of the educational system, which mandate courses and programs dealing with sexism and sexual violence. Urge coaches of boys' and men's athletic teams to require their players to attend workshops and seminars on sexism and male violence against women.
* 10 Support feminists. Commit yourself to ending oppression in all its forms.
Heaven & Hell
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the
road. It looked like fine marble.
At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the
sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the
dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been
pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long
standing by the tree waiting for them.
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing
do -- you forward jokes. When you have nothing to say, but still want to
keep contact, you forward jokes. When you have something to say, but don't
know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes."
Three visions for India
Moguls, the Portuguese, the British, the French the Dutch, all of them
vision is that of FREEDOM. I believe that India got its first vision
of this in 1857, when we started the war of independence. It is this
been a developing nation. It is time we see ourselves as a developed
military power but also as an economic power. Both must go hand-in-hand.
My good fortune was to have worked with three great minds. Dr. Vikram
have worked with all three of them closely and consider this the great
opportunity of my life.
ONE: Twenty years I spent in ISRO. I was given the opportunity to be
the project director for India's first satellite launch vehicle, SLV3.
of India's guided missile program. It was my second bliss when Agni met
its mission requirements in 1994.
third bliss. The joy of participating with my team in these nuclear
tests and proving to the world that India can make it, that we are no
longer a developing nation but one of them. It made me feel very proud
FOUR: One day an orthopaedic surgeon from Nizam Institute of Medical
Sciences visited my laboratory. He lifted the material and found it so
light that he took me to his hospital and showed me his patients. There
were these little girls and boys with heavy metallic callipers weighing
sensing satellites. We are the second largest producers of wheat. We are
self-sustaining, self-driving unit. There are millions of such
I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli Newspaper. It was
desert land into an orchid and a granary. It was this inspiring picture
obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign TVs, we want foreign
shirts. We want foreign technology. Why this obsession with everything
imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance?
under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation. "
laws are too old. YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the
the absolute pits. YOU say, say and say. What do YOU do about it?
status identity. In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU? YOU
dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah. YOU would not dare
650) a month to, "see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to
don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo? Why don't YOU use
you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country why
around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty
pavements. What do they expect the officers to do? Go down with a broom
Will the Indian citizen do that here?" He's right. We go to the polls to
choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility. We sit
paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean
opportunity. This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on
the service to the public. When it comes to burning social issues like
excuse? "It's the whole system, which has to change, how will it matter
the system? & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand. Or
change instead of sending Jokes or junk mails.
The University of Hard Knocks
[Books] > The University of Hard Knocks
**The Project Gutenberg Etext of The University of Hard Knocks**
The University of Hard Knocks
**The Project Gutenberg Etext of The University of Hard Knocks**
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Benedictine College" within the 60 days following each
The University of Hard Knocks
"He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his
"Sweet are the uses of adversity;
Why It Is Printed
the United States and have listened to "The University of Hard
Knocks." It has been delivered to date more than twenty-five
institutes, club gatherings, conventions and before various other
lecturing, because his lectures deal with universal human
"What is written here is not the way I would write it, were I
writing a book," says Ralph Parlette. "It is the way I say it. The
wish I could tell the lecture committees of America how I
The warm reception given "The University of Hard Knocks" by the
are now in preparation as this, the third edition of "The
University of Hard Knocks" comes from the press.
The University of Hard Knocks
bumps--Description of University--"Sweet are the uses of
Adversity"--Why children are not interested
us "stop, look, listen"--Blind man learns with one bump--Going up
ones shake up and the little ones shake down--The barrel of life
notices--You cannot uplift people with derrick--No laws can
Amusement drunkards--Lure of the city--Strong men from the
lived--Singer must live songs--Successful songs written from
worst days, not best--Waiting for the second table--Better days on
principle, not praise--Doing duty for the joy of it--Becoming the
you are not much interested in how it looks; you are interested in
the goods it brings you. You know some very good goods are
wagon--how much it squeaks and wheezes and rattles and wabbles. Do
Really, I believe the goods are good. I believe I am to recite to
when it was colder, I would pull the plug but the sorghum would not
squirt. It would come out slowly and reluctantly, so that I would
have to wait a long while to get a little sorghum. And on some real
run at all. It would just look out at me.
I discovered it was the temperature.
the sorghum is "The University of Hard Knocks." I can only pull the
plug. I cannot make it run. That will depend upon the temperature
of this audience. You can have all you want of it, but to get it to
it. How much any one gets out of a lecture depends also upon the
size of the bucket he brings to get it in. A big bucket can get
filled at a very small stream. A little bucket gets little at the
greatest stream. With no bucket you can get nothing at Niagara.
the next person says he got nothing out of it.
What It's All About
two or three simple little ideas of life, that our education is our
growing up from the Finite to the Infinite, and that it is done by
our own personal overcoming, and that we never finish it.
bound life? Have you noticed that every statement does not quite
cover it? No statement, no library, can tell all about life. No
success rule can alone solve the problem. You must average it all
We are told that the stomach needs bulk as well as nutriment. It
would not prosper with the necessary elements in their condensed
lecture. You cannot confess without referring to the confesser.
I believe it must be carved out in The University of Hard Knocks.
I believe all this pride, vanity, selfishness, self-righteousness,
reveal it.
I care little about your glorious or inglorious past. I care little
The University of Hard Knocks
THE greatest school is the University of Hard Knocks. Its books are
Every bump is a lesson. If we learn the lesson with one bump, we do
not get that bump again. We do not need it. We have traveled past
it. They do not waste the bumps. We get promoted to the next bump.
matter with us, so that we do not learn the lesson of the bump we
Some of us learn to go forward with a few bumps, but most of us are
The tuition in the University of Hard Knocks is not free.
The university colors are black and blue.
was a sentence in my grammar that disgusted me. It was by some
foreigner I had never met. His name was Shakespeare. It was this:
"Sweet are the uses of adversity;
Wears yet a priceless jewel in its head;
But I am happy today that I have traveled a little farther. I am
University of Adversity. I am happy that I am beginning to listen.
It is so hard to tell young people anything. They know better. So
We discover, in other words, that The University of Hard Knocks has
say that. It was back at the time when I was trying to run our home
to suit myself. I sat in the highest chair in the family circle. I
That day they had the little joy and sunshine of the family in his
was within grabbing distance.
I became enamored with that coffee-pot. I decided I needed that
And that day when I wanted the coffee-pot--I did want it. Nobody
I was reaching over to get it, that woman said, "Don't touch that!"
The longer I thought about it the more angry I became. What right
this petticoat tyranny three years, and it is time to stop it!
I stopped it. I got the coffee-pot. I know I got the coffee-pot. I
got it unanimously. I know when I got it and I also know where I
got it. I got about a gallon of the reddest, hottest coffee a bad
O-o-o-o-o-o! I can feel it yet!
applebutter on me--and coal oil and white-of-an-egg and starch and
anything else the neighbors could think of. They would bring it
over and rub it on the little joy and sunshine of the family, who
it, knowing that it would burn me. She would say, "Don't." Then she
would go on with her knitting and let me do as I pleased.
Why don't mothers knit today?
cruel with that angel child. But the neighbors did not know what
knew how stubborn and self-willed I was. It came from father's
Mother knew that to argue with me was to flatter me. Tell me, serve
"Child of humanity, do right, walk in the right path. You will be
running brooks and the sermons in the stones all repeat it.
easier and more attractive. It is so easy to go downward. We slide
Anything that goes downward will run itself. Anything that goes
We are lucky if we learn the lesson with one bump. We are unlucky
when we get bumped twice in the same place, for it means we are
She said, "It hain't your fault. You wasn't born right. You was
It wasn't my fault--all my bumps and coffee-pots! I was just
unlucky and it had to be.
when I see that bump coming again I can say, "Excuse me; it hath a
familiar look," and dodge it.
"pussyfooted" it along so carefully. He bumped his hand against a
his lesson with one bump, and you have to go bumping into the same
And so with our own lives. Real living is conscious effort to go
line of least resistance, depend upon it you are going downward.
Look over your community. Note the handful of brave, faithful,
unselfish souls who are carrying the community burdens and pushing
upward. Note the multitude making little or no effort, and even
Majorities do not rule. Majorities never have ruled. It is the
brave minority of thinking, self-sacrificing people that decides
the tomorrow of communities that go upward. Majorities are not
for nothing. They must be led--sometimes driven--by minorities.
Down the great white way of the world go the million prodigals,
fill up with disappointment, their vision becomes dulled. They
The last thing Mamma Fly said as Johnny went off to the city was,
place to skate. Just see how close I can fly over it and not get
stuck a bit. Mother is such a silly old worryer. She means all
can't catch us. They were too strict with me back home."
First he puts one foot down and pulls it out. That is a lot of fun.
It shows he is not a prisoner. He is a strong-minded fly. He can
quit it or play in it, just as he pleases. After while he puts two
feet down in the stickiness. It is harder to pull them out. Then he
doesn't pull loose. He feels tired and he sits down in the sticky
flypaper. It is a fine place to stick around. All his young set of
same way--they can play in the sticky flypaper or let it alone,
with sleeping sickness.
The tuition in The College of Needless Knocks is very high indeed!
guilty. It is the man who does not get discovered who is to be
pitied, for he must get some more knocks.
The world loves to write resolutions of respect. How often we
write, "Whereas, it has pleased an all-wise Providence to remove,"
healed. Maybe you think it never will heal. You wondered why you
It broke your heart. You have had your heart broken. I have had my
is--material that needs more Needful Knocks to make it more useful
humanity need the same preparation for greater usefulness.
here. This is no reflection upon the janitor. You became a piano by
man into the woods with an ax, and he looked for the best trees
there to bump. He bumped you--hit you with the ax! How it hurt you!
And how unjust it was! He kept on hitting you. "The operation was
It is a very sad story. They took you all bumped and bleeding to
They did not bump the little, crooked, dissipated, cigaret-stunted
Duluth, Minnesota, and came to a hole in the ground. It was a big
"That hain't red mud. That's iron ore, an' it's the best iron ore
"What is it worth?"
"It hain't worth nothin' here; that's why they're movin' it away."
There's red mud around every community that "hain't worth nothin'"
until you move it--send it to college or somewhere.
Not very long after this, near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, I saw some
of this same red mud. It had been moved over the Great Lakes and
I watched this red mud matriculate into a great hopper with
limestone, charcoal and other textbooks. Then they corked it up and
school began. They roasted it. It is a great thing to be roasted.
When it was done roasting they stopped. Have you noticed that they
promotion exercises. The red mud squirted out into the sand. It was
not red mud now, because it had been roasted. It was a freshman--
pig iron, worth more than red mud, because it had been roasted.
where it was again roasted, and now it came out a sophomore--steel,
Some of the sophomore steel went up into another grade where it was
It seemed as tho I could hear the suffering red mud crying out, "O,
they pound me and break my heart? I have been good and faithful. O,
But after they had given it a diploma--a pricemark telling how much
it had been roasted--they took it proudly all over the world,
labeled "Made in America." They hung it in show windows, they put
it in glass cases. Many people admired it and said, "Isn't that
fine work!" They paid much money for it now. They paid the most
University of Hard Knocks. Presently the cripple's face was shining
Afterwards I went to her. "Little lady, I want to thank you for
the lecture itself."
that I know sitting in this chair. I have learned to be patient and
They told me this crippled woman was the sweetest-spirited,
well-gowned. She lived in one of the finest homes in the city. She
When I see a long row of cots in a hospital or sanitarium, I want
precious lessons of patience, sympathy, love, faith and courage.
They are getting the education in the humanities the world needs
more than tables of logarithms. Only those who have suffered can
years than in fat years. In fat years we put it in our pockets. In
lean years we put it in our hearts. Material and spiritual
prosperity do not often travel hand-in-hand. When we become
some handwriting on the wall and a bump to save us.
for it is not true. The old enemy of humanity wants you to believe
you are down and out. He wants you to sympathize with yourself. You
love in its wake.
a picture of it.
track was a grocery with a row of barrels of apples in front. There
the groceryman ever put the big apples on top and the little
Man of sorrows, you have been slandered. It never occurred to me
big ones on top and the little ones down underneath. He does not
need to do it. It does itself. It is the shaking of the barrel that
pushes the big ones up and the little ones down.
a corduroy road? It was a layer of logs in the mud. Riding over it
was the poetry of motion! The wagon "hit the high spots." And as I
try to get to the top. The little, runty apples would try to hold
I saw that for thirty years before I saw it. Did you ever notice
of my pocket and the little ones would rattle down to the bottom.
You children try that tomorrow. Do not wait thirty years to learn
that the big ones shake up and the little ones shake down. Put some
big ones and some little things of about the same density in a box
thing shake to the place its size determines. A little larger one
shakes a little higher, and a little smaller one a little lower.
At this place the lecturer exhibits a glass jar more than
half-filled with small white beans and a few walnuts.
inside of it you see two sizes of objects--a lot of little white
forget it, and I do not want these young people to live thirty
years before they see it.
You note as I shake the jar the little beans quickly settle down
automatically goes the right way. The little ones go down and the
Suppose those objects could talk. I think I hear that littlest bean
I say, "Yes, you little bean, I'll help you." So I lift him up to
See, the can shakes. Back to the bottom shakes the little bean. And
The can shakes. The little bean again shakes back to the bottom. He
is too small to stay up. He cannot stand prosperity.
Then I hear Little Bean say, "Well, if I cannot get to the top, you
So I say, "Yes, sir, Little Bean. Here, you big ones on top, get
down. You Big Nuts get right down there on a level with Little
But I shake the can, and the big ones go right back to the top with
the same shakes that send the little ones back to the bottom.
the can. Lifting them up or putting them down will not do it. But
Equality of position demands quality of size. Let the little one
way to the market place of the future. It is a corduroy road and
In the barrel are big apples, little apples, freckled apples,
of life. That barrel is shaking all the time. Every community is
stores, the schools, the pulpits, the homes--every place where we
fittest.
The same law that shakes the little ones down and the big ones up
in that can is shaking every person to the place he fits in the
barrel of life. It is sending small people down and great people
put down to some little place? We are foolishly trying to overturn
creatures of chance. We have it in our hands to decide our destiny
the places you fit. And when you are in your places--in stores,
must keep growing enough to keep it tightly filled.
capabilities, do more than you are paid to do--overfill your place,
with various sizes of objects. When an employee would come into the
office and say, "Isn't it about time I was getting a raise?" I
Notice as I bump this jar. Two things happened. The little ones
the little ones was good luck to the big ones. The same bump was
girl from the country. It was her first office experience, and she
The other girls poked fun at her and played jokes upon her because
"Is not she the limit?" they oft spake one to another. She was. She
made many blunders. But it is now recalled that she never made the
same blunder twice. She learned the lesson with one helping to the
rules of the union! Without being told, mind you. She had that rare
faculty the world is bidding for--initiative.
had been put at, they would wait--O, so patiently they would
wait--to be told what to do next.
Within three months every other girl in that office was asking
questions of the little Dutch girl. She had learned more about
The other girls feel hurt about it. They will tell you in
confidence that it was the rankest favoritism ever known. "There
was nothing fair about it. Jennie ought to have been made
don't know nothing about it, boss, I don't work in there."
nothing about it, I never worked in there." I asked him about the
neither. I don't work in there." And he did not betray the least
So he had begun to rattle. Nobody can stay where he rattles. It is
So books could be filled with just such stories of how people have
gone up and down. You may have noticed two brothers start with the
do not even get invited. We often become discouraged as we look at
competitors. The minister must be getting larger visions of the
ministry as he goes back into the same old pulpit to keep on
filling it. The teacher must be seeing new possibilities in the
place year after year and fills it, he does not rattle.
They can't get along without me." For I feel that they are getting
ready to get along without him. That noise you hear is the
I am sorry for the man, community or institution that spends much
time pointing backward with pride and talking about "in my day!"
For it is mostly rattle. The live one's "my day" is today and
We often think the way to get a great place is just to go after it
and get it. If we do not have pull enough, get some more pull. Get
We can be a pumpkin in one summer, with the accent on the "punk."
We can be a mushroom in a day, with the accent on the "mush." But
Many a man writes a testimonial to get rid of somebody. "Well, I
hope it will do him some good. Anyhow, I have gotten him off my
It is dangerous to overboost people, for the higher you boost them
Then they become a mirror for his vanity instead of a monitor
for his vitality.
magnify the good points and say little as possible about the bad
verdict of my audiences. I avoided frank criticism. It would hurt
me. Whenever I heard an adverse criticism, I would go and read a
And my vanity bump would again rise.
editors of America--God bless them! They are always trying to boost
for the sake of the home folks who import it.
and your work mercilessly dissected, shake hands with yourself and
having the barrel do the uplifting, they try to do it with a
beggar sitting at the gate Beautiful. Every day the beggar had been
"helped" him to be poorer in spirit, more helpless and a more
But if chances had been snakes, I would have been bitten a hundred
times a day. We need oculists, not opportunities.
to see how little I could do and look like I was working. I was the
would not bring it down again for a soulless corporation.
why I was not sitting upon one of those mahogany seats instead of
Did you ever hear that line of conversation? It generally comes
not faithful over a few things, I would have rattled over many
enchanted up into a king. But life's good fairies see to it that
I used to say, "Just wait till I get to Congress." I think they are
all waiting! "I'll fix things. I'll pass laws requiring all apples
down, so the little ones will be on the top and the big ones will
But I had not seen that it wouldn't matter which end was the top,
the big ones would shake right up to it and the little ones would
The little man has the chance now, just as fast as he grows. You
do not get the coffee-pot until we are ready to handle it.
naturally today, and we see it is because we have grown ready for
And this blessed old barrel of life is just waiting and anxious to
many are trying to grow great on the outside without growing great
Greatness is not measured in any material terms. It is not measured
Greatness is measured in spiritual terms. It is education. It is
We go up from impurity to purity.
We go up from little vision to greater vision.
We go up from fear to faith.
not leave our kitchen or blacksmith shop. We take the kitchen or
blacksmith shop right up with us! We make it a great kitchen or
great blacksmith shop. It becomes our throne-room!
No matter how high we rise, we discover infinite distances above.
the going up from the Finite to the Infinite.
great lands, great titles, great applause, great fame, and
the inside, and wails, "All is vanity. I find no pleasure in them.
humanity.
"O, Master," said the mother, "grant that these my two sons may sit,
The Master looked with love and pity upon their unpreparedness.
"Are ye able to drink of the cup?" Then he gave the only definition
us. We must "achieve greatness" by developing it on the
inside--developing ability to minister and to serve.
thus it becomes great.
and thus it becomes great.
We cannot buy a great character. It is earned in great moral
is little business. Much of it mighty little.
it is that the first step is always nearest at hand. We do not have
become great. It is a great stairway that leads from where our feet
are now upward for an infinite number of steps.
We must go right back to our old place--into our kitchen or our
nearest at hand. We must make our old work luminous with a new
lives. We find our spiritual influences going upward. So the winds
currents set upward, the world is drawn toward us with its
We find our kitchen or workshop or office becoming a new throne
As we grow greater our opportunities grow greater. That is, we
admire what we have accomplished and "point with pride." The
It was the sweet girl graduate who at commencement wondered how one
small head could contain it all. It was Newton after giving the
world a new science who looked back over it and said, "I seem to
The Widow's Mites
The great Teacher pointed to the widow who cast her two mites into
Tho the rich men had cast in more, yet it was only a part of their
possessions. The widow cast in less, but it was all she had. The
Master cared little what the footings of the money were in the
saveth his life shall lose it, but he that loseth his life for the
advancement of the kingdom of happiness on earth shall find it
upon the percentage of our output to our resources. Upon doing with
our might what our hands find to do. Quit worrying about what you
And as you are faithful over a few things you go up to be ruler
I do not know who fitted the boards into the floor I stand upon. I
who sweeps it--is just as great as anybody in the world who may
come and stand upon it, if each be doing his work with the same
love, faithfulness and capability.
to make a roster of the great people of a community. You will find
the community heart in the precious handful who believe that the
The great people of the community serve and sacrifice for a better
tomorrow. They are the faithful few who get behind the churches,
They rarely get thanked, for the community does not often think of
thanking them until it comes time to draft the "resolutions of
I had to go to the mouth of a coal-mine in a little Illinois town,
to find the man the bureau had given as lyceum committeeman there.
miner's lamp in his cap, could possibly have to do with the lyceum
course. But I learned that he had all to do with it. He had sold
serviceable, tho he worked every day full time with his pick at his
The great people are so busy serving that they have little time to
Chicago on Sundays to thousands. He writes books and runs a college
and you read it in almost every committee doing good things in
But he that saveth his life shall lose it, and he that loseth his
life in loving service finds it returning to him great and
This Chicago man gives his life into the service of humanity, and
it becomes the fuel to make the steam to accomplish the wonderful
and writing it all down in the contract, most likely Dr. Frank W.
Give It Now
great things. Give it now! Give your dollar now, rather than your
thousands afterwhile. You need to give it now, and the world needs
to get it now."
of the individual citizens.
struggling and overcoming--that nation was strong. It was "prepared."
Many homes and communities have reached it.
from their children their birthright--their opportunity to become
understanding, and give it to them C. O. D! They seem to think they
fully inflated with education!
"Sic 'em, Tige!" The children must get it themselves.
them the ability to think he has developed in years of study. As
well expect Moses to give them his spiritual understanding acquired
great, dirty mill and a lot of little dirty houses around the mill.
The hands lived in the little dirty houses and worked six days of
There was a little, old man who went about that mill, often saying,
man who owned the mill. He had made it with his own genius out of
He also had a little pink son, whose name was F. Gustavus Adolphus.
The little old man often said, "I'm going to give that boy the best
He began to buy it. He began to polish and sandpaper Gussie from
the minute the child could sit up in the cradle and notice things.
export, he sent the boy to one of the greatest universities in the
land. The fault was not with the university, not with Gussie, who
The fault was with the little old man, who was so wise and great
The birthright of every child is the opportunity of becoming
silver platter. Gussie went thru that university about like a steer
from Texas goes thru Mr. Armour's institute of packnology in
and receives it. There is a row of professors with their sleeves
eternal cold storage, each professor hits him a dab. He rides along
Gussie and Bill Whackem Gussie came back home with his education in
the baggage-car. It was checked. The mill shut down on a week day,
the first time in its history. The hands marched down to the depot,
the streets. The little old man had been translated.
When they next opened up the mill, F. Gustavus Adolphus was at its head.
He had inherited the entire plant. "F. Gustavus Adolphus, President."
Poor little peanut! He rattled. He had never grown great enough to
So the mill was shut down the third time on a week day. It looked
as tho it never could open. But it did open, and when it opened it
orphan. He had little chance. He had a new black eye almost every
the community. People forgot all about Bill's lowly origin. They
It was Hon. William Whackem who put the wreckage together and made
After that a good many people said it was the college that made a
But now I see that Bill went up in spite of his handicaps. If he
with these instruments and tools.
Gussie was in the position of a man with a very fine equipment of
tools and no experience in using them. Bill was the man with the
poor, homemade, crude tools, but with the energy, vision and
people liberally educated who cannot write their own names. But
they have served and overcome and developed great lives with the
In almost every community are what we sometimes call "hard knocks
The young person with electrical genius will make an electrical
machine from a few bits of junk. But send him to Westinghouse and
see how much more he will achieve with the same genius and with
an education, they are merely preparations. When you are thru with
end-ment. You will discover with the passing years that life is
Go out with your fine equipment from your commencements into the
school of service and write your education in the only book you
they put you upon the witness stand.
The story of Gussie and Bill Whackem is being written in every
community in tears, failure and heartache. It is peculiarly a
his boy was not there to hear it. But that good, deluded father now
I rarely tell of it on a platform that at the close of the lecture
from that community.
gibbeted in the pulpits as the shocking example of youthful
depravity. He seems never to have had a fighting chance to become
and command armies of men, but he seems to have been pitifully
It is the educated, the rich and the worldly wise who blunder most in
shrunken souls who inherit them.
shaking down the rattlers. Somebody said it is only three
how few of our strong men get their start with steam heat?
take care of me, and when they are gone I'll inherit everything
and food in your stomach, but you cannot own it save as you digest
it--put it into your life.
I have read somewhere about a man who found a cocoon and put it in
his house where he could watch it develop. One day he saw a little
insect struggling inside the cocoon. It was trying to get out of
the envelope. It seemed in trouble and needed help. He opened the
envelope with a knife and set the struggling insect free. But out
came a monstrosity that soon died. It had an over-developed body
killing it. He took away from it the very thing it had to have--the
struggle. For it was this struggle of breaking its own way out of
that envelope that was needed to reduce its body and develop its
But remember there is little virtue in work unless it is getting us
of it and years following until our machine is worn out and on the
junkpile, means little. "One day nearer home" for such a worker
of the whip. Such a worker is the horse we used to have hitched to
hearing nothing, his head down, without ambition enough to prick up
right--such work is a necessary evil, and they make it such. They
But getting a vision of life, and working to grow upward to it,
even the packhorse job, because it is our "meal ticket" that
One time I put some turkey eggs under the mother hen and waited day
to crack and the little turkeys began to stick their heads out of
the shells. Some of the little turkeys came out from the shells all
"Shell out, little turkeys, shell out," I urged, "for Thanksgiving
"Little turkeys, I'll have to help you. I'll have to shell you by
hand." So I picked the shells off. "Little turkeys, you will never
The cards are against him. He must succeed in spite of his "advantages."
character, for the joy of having a larger life. I am pleading with
Children, I am pleading with you to find happiness. All the world
is seeking happiness, but so many are seeking it by rattling down
Happiness is the joy of overcoming. It is the delight of an
expanding consciousness. It is the cry of the eagle mounting
upward. It is the proof that we are progressing.
work that fits your talents, and stop watching the clock and
found my job in my work, not away from it, and the work refreshed
the undertaker. I am an editor in the daytime and a lecturer at
I edit all day and take a vacation lecturing at night. I lecture
days--and then take a vacation by editing and writing. Thus every
speaking and writing to them instead of them paying me!
to be "absent from the body and present with the Lord." Thus this
follows the dog when I forget all about it. The grunter lets the
multitudes killing themselves by taking vacations.
When we love our work, it is not work, it is life.
There are ten literary drunkards to one alcoholic drunkard. There
We have to have amusement, but if we fill our lives with nothing
but amusement, we never grow. We go thru our lives babies with new
rattleboxes and "sugar-tits."
"Lecture?" said with a shiver as tho it was "small pox." "I ain't
crowd that finds itself back near the caboose, and as the train of
The Lure of the City
Do you ever get lonely in a city? How few men and women there. A
jam of people, most of them imitations--most of them trying to look
white way they go chasing amusement to find happiness. They must be
alone with their empty lives.
community, the nation that goes on relaxing without
contracting--without struggling and overcoming--is degenerating.
office, go to the great pulpit, to the college chair--go to any
place of great responsibility in a city and ask the one who fills
the place, "Were you born in this city?"
The reply is almost a monotony. "I born in this city? No, I was
born in Poseyville, Indiana, and I came to this city forty years
log-cabin, save that there the necessity for struggle that brings
that young person comes to the city and shakes in the barrel among
The cities do not make their own steam. The little minority from
the farms controls the majority. The red blood of redemption flows
these cities would drop off the map.
If it were not for Poseyville, Indiana, Chicago would disappear.
If it were not for Poseyville, New York would disintegrate
It is the lure of the city--and the lure-lessness of the country.
What is the matter with the small town? Do not blame it all upon
the city mail order house. With rural delivery, daily papers,
country or in the small town. They have the city advantages plus
sunshine, air and freedom that the crowded cities cannot have.
people in this institution and only a score of guards to keep them
It would be almost unkind to carry this further, but I have been
America have one thing in common with the asylum folks--they can't
up into little antagonistic social, business and even religious
A lot of struggling churches compete with each other instead of
stays neutral and furnishes the munitions for both sides.
So the home towns stagnate and the young people with visions go
away to the cities where opportunity seems to beckon. Ninety-nine
out of a hundred of them will jostle with the straphangers all
opportunity right back in the home town, had the town been awake
and united and inviting.
spend its years raising crops of young people for the cities. That
coming back. That is the drain that devitalizes the home towns more
than all the city mail order houses.
cities, but in the greatness of innumerable home towns.
Dr. Henry Solomon Lehr, founder of the Ohio Northern University at
Ada, Ohio, one of Ohio's greatest educators, used to say with
the school of books with the school of struggle. He organized his
struggle in his life would at least have to struggle with the
He pitted class against class. He organized great literary and
debating societies to compete with each other. He arranged contests
for the military department. His school was one surging mass of
that he was initiating an individual or class effort to win. The
literary societies vied with each other in their programs and in
old student pledged new students in his home country. The military
companies turned the school into a military camp for weeks each
not believe there is a school in America with a greater alumni roll
schools offering encouragement and facilities for young people to
work their way thru and to act upon their own initiative.
The old "deestrick" school is passing, and with it the small
academies and colleges, each with its handful of students around a
Today we are building wonderful public schools with equally
with a few great centralized state normal schools and state
universities. We are spending millions upon them in laboratories,
to sit in the chairs and speak the last word in every department of
But each student has the same definite effort to make in
the old oak-slab bench with its splintered side up.
I am anxiously awaiting the results. I am hoping that the boys and
not be rows of lithographed cans on the shelves of life. I am
hoping they will not be shorn of their individuality, but will have
it stimulated and unfettered. I am anxious that they be not
All this school machinery is only machinery. Back of it must be
that each student come in vital touch with great men. We get life
Many a small school struggling to live thinks that all it needs is
endowment, when the fact is that its struggle for existence and the
spirit of its teachers are its greatest endowment. And sometimes
when the money endowment comes the spiritual endowment goes in
fatty degeneration. Some schools seem to have been visited by
calamities in the financial prosperity that has engulfed them.
HOW long it takes to learn things! I think I was thirty-four years
have not yet learned it. Every few days I stumble over it
underlies every field of activity.
A violin is only a fiddle with a college education.
neck. That is about all there is either to us or to the fiddle. We
string--the little E string. The trouble is so many of these human
fiddles think they are an orchestra right away. They want to quit
We must show these little fiddles they must go back into school and
go up thru all the departments and institutions necessary to give
forth with the E, A, D and G strings all in place. Educated now?
vitalized, what you have written in the book of experience.
Gussie says, "I have read it in a book." Bill Whackem says," I
idea of them. We hear the preacher utter truths and we say with
little feeling, "Yes, that is so." We hear the great truths of life
over and over and we are not excited. Truth never excites--it is
falsehood that excites--until we discover it in our lives. Until we
see it with our own eyes. Then there is a thrill. Then the old
truth becomes a new blessing. Then the oldest, driest platitude
know the sun as in one glimpse of it with our own eyes.
I used to stand in the row of blessed little rascals in the
"deestrick" school and read from McGuffey's celebrated literature,
"If--I-p-p-play--with--the--f-f-f-i-i-i-i-r-r-e--I--will--g-e-e-et
I did not learn it. I wish I had learned by reading it that if I
play with the fire I will get my fingers burned. I had to slap my
blisters in order to learn it.
This is not a lecture. It is a confession! It seems to me if you in
the audience knew how little I know, you wouldn't stay.
get something for nothing." That is, getting it in partial tune. It
took me so long because I was naturally bright. It takes that kind
with a few bumps. They have to be pulverized.
their own departments. Some people go to the canned fruit
where it was. I didn't need to be told. I gravitated there. The
that--in a city all of one size get together.
a little light table he could move quickly. Whenever the climate
were three little shells in a row, and there was a little pea under
the middle shell. I saw it there, being naturally bright. I was the
who knew under which shell the little round pea was hidden.
Even the gentleman running the game was fooled. He thought it was
under the end shell and bet me money it was under the end shell.
You see, this was not gambling, this was a sure thing. (It was!)
I had saved up my money for weeks to attend the fair. I bet it all
on that middle shell. I felt bad. It seemed like robbing father.
family to keep. But I would teach him a lesson not to "monkey" with
was all I had to do now--just go, sit down. I couldn't see the
Sadly I thought it all over, but I did not get the right answer.
Learn? No! Within a month I was on the street a Saturday night when
and stood up in his buggy. "Let the prominent citizens gather
diseases humanity is heir to. Now just to introduce and advertise,
wrapping a ten-dollar bill around one cake and throwing it into the
And right on top of the pile was the cake with the ten wrapped
around it! I jumped over the rest to shove my five (two weeks' farm
disappeared. I never knew where it went. The man whipped up his
could stick. Whenever anybody let me in on the ground floor it
kept my investments in it. I mean, the investments I did not have
I had there my oil propositions. What a difference, I have learned,
between an oil proposition and an oil well! The learning has been
I wonder how I will make it.
"Everglades"? I have an alligator ranch there. It is below the
frost-line, also below the water-line. I will sell it by the
my gold and silver mine stock, I often noticed that it was printed
in green. I used to wonder why they printed it in green--wonder if
they wanted it to harmonize with me! And I would realize I had so
increased my faith that the next ship would be mine. Good, honest,
new enterprise that had millions in it--in its prospectus. I would
buy because I knew the minister was honest and believed in it. He
was selling it on his reputation. Favorite dodge of the promoter to
will pay you five or six per cent. and get it?"
I pitied his lack of vision. Bankers were such "tightwads." They
It would have been better for me if I had thrown about all my
a prominent citizen and have a large influence in your community.
in with us in the inner circle and get a thousand per cent.
I waited till next day. I sat up all night in a day coach to save
have hurried so. They would have waited a month with the
happened in St. Louis. It is none of your business!
could not learn it at home, back in Ohio. I had to go clear down to
I think it must have been a pool, for I know I fell in and got
had made up to that time, for I got the most out of it. I do not
It is worth eleven hundred dollars every day to know that one
get juicy when you know it. Today when I open a newspaper and see
a big ad, "Grasp a Fortune Now!" I will not do it! I stop my
subscription to that paper. I simply will not take a paper with
that ad in it, for I have graduated from that class.
fortune right up on this platform and put it down there on the
floor. I will not grasp it. Come away, it is a coffee-pot!
O, Absalom, Absalom, my son, my son! Learn it early in life. The
You can't get something for nothing. If you do not learn it, you
selected to receive a thousand per cent. dividends," it means you
The other night in a little town of perhaps a thousand, a banker
some of the above experiences. "The audience laughed with you and
thought it very funny," said he. "I couldn't laugh. It was too
pathetic. It was a picture of what is going on in our own little
community year after year. I wish you could see what I have to see.
out of our community every year into just such wildcat enterprises
as you described. The saddest part of it is that the money nearly
to lose it."
hundred dollars to tell you this one thing, and you get it for a
dollar or two. This is no cheap lecture. It cost blood.
accumulates by sharp practices or by undue profits never owns it.
it. We only own what we have rendered definite service to bound.
I often think if it takes me thirty-four years to begin to learn
one sentence, I see the need of an eternity.
I learn, and how much there is to learn. It will take an eternity!
they think. This is not to sneer, but to cheer. Isn't it glorious
that life is one infinite succession of commencements and
sit in a semicircle upon the stage in their new patent leather. I
know how it hurts. It is the first time they have worn it.
lieth Italy!" (Bring arms down, letting fingers follow the wrist.
the wrist! It is always a shock to the audience when the wrist
a filmy creation caught with something or other.
propelling aerial boat with two fingers of each hand, head
truths that you have memorized, but not vitalized.
them. It is a grand thing to say, "Beyond the Alps lieth Italy,"
but you can never really say that until you know it by struggling
up over Alps of difficulty and seeing the Italy of promise and
victory beyond. It is fine to say, "We are rowing and not
was "short-circuited." The "brethren" waited upon me and told me I had
ready for my try-out. I certainly loaded it to the muzzle.
chunk of Shakespeare and nailed it on page five of my sermon. "List
fragments from the books together with my own native genius. I
I bedecked it with metaphors and semaphores. I filled it with
fourteen, where I had made a little mark in the margin which meant
I committed it all to memory, and then went to a lady who taught
expression, to get it expressed. You have to get it expressed.
You know about gestures--these things you make with your arms in
the air as you speak. You can notice it on me yet.
express-wagon and got no load for it. So it rattled. I got a
necktie, but failed to get any man to hang it upon. I got up before
glass. It got so it would run itself. I could have gone to sleep
and that sermon would not have hesitated.
it was in me. But I certainly got it all out that day!
would not have hurt me so much. It has taken some years to learn
No sermon ever had greater truth, but I had not lived it. The old
So, children, when you prepare your commencement oration, write
about peeling potatoes than about anything else, write about
in them and they may even be better written, yet they lack the
vital impulse. They come out of the author's head. The books that
cultivated it, they are singers. All this cultivation and irritation
a singer--merely neckties. Singers look better with neckties.
They think the song comes from the diaphragm. But it comes from the
beautiful voice, and she has been away to "Ber-leen" to have it
Summer." She sang it with every note so well placed, with the
sweetest little trills and tendrils, with the smile exactly like
her teacher had taught her. Jessie exhibited all the machinery and
The audience politely endured Jessie. That night a woman sang in
half so beautifully as Jessie did, but she sang it with the
tremendous feeling it demands. The audience went wild. It was a
sing that song, for it is the sob of a broken-hearted woman. Learn
The Success of a Song-Writer
one of the widely known song-writers of this land. As I had the
good fortune to be sitting at table with her I wanted to ask her,
But in the hour she talked with her friends around the table I
found the answer to every question. "Isn't it good to be here?
Isn't it great to have friends and a fine home and money?" she
know what it is to be left alone in the world upon my own
discouraged and down and out. It was in my little back-room, the
only home I had, that I began to write songs. I wrote them for my
own relief. I was writing my own life, just what was in my own
simple little songs so full of the pathos and philosophy of life
Anybody could write those songs--just a few simple words and notes.
write the words and where to place the notes. These are not the
The woman who sat there clad in black, with her sweet, expressive
face crowned with silvery hair, had learned to write her songs in
the University of Hard Knocks. She here became the song philosopher
had never struggled with discouragement, sickness, poverty and
loneliness, she never would have been able to write the songs that
appeal to the multitudes who have the same battles.
it is a tribute to the good elements in humanity that the
continue to hold their popularity.
defeat, or that our lives must fill up with poverty or sorrow, or
become wrecks. But I am insisting upon what I see written all
practical realities. They go around with their heads in the clouds,
There are a thousand who can tell you what is the matter with
He was a remarkable man--a great reader and with a memory that
retained it all. That man could recite chapters and volumes.
a misfit on earth. He was liable to put the gravy in his coffee
The greatest book is the textbook of the University of Hard Knocks,
understandingly from it.
Note the sweeping, positive statements of the young person.
Our education is our progress from the sweeping, positive,
the Alps lieth Italy."
ago, and the wound has not healed. You think it never will heal.
for a little while. I know there are people in this audience in pain.
Never do this many gather but what there are some with aching hearts.
And you young people here with lives like June mornings, are not
much interested in this lecture. You are polite and attentive
because this is a polite and attentive neighborhood. But down in
have them, either!"
trust most betray you. Maybe, betray you with a kiss. You will go
pitch, where the discords fade from our lives and where the music
I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, altho it is quite
Nobody ever traded with us by mistake.
Yet I was years learning it is much easier to make money than to
handle it, hence the tale that follows.
I had never studied pedagogy, but I had whittled out three rules
that I thought would make it go. My first rule was, Make 'em study.
My second, Make, em recite. That is, fill 'em up and then empty 'em.
With the small fry I used a small paddle to win their confidence and
arouse their enthusiasm for an education. With the pupils larger and
We ended the school with an "exhibition." Did you ever attend the
old back-country "last day of school exhibition"? The people that
was closing they all turned out to make it a success. They brought
school desks with boards, and then covered the boards with piles of
literature that day. Execute is the word that tells what happened
to literature in District No. 1, Jackson Township, that day. I can
shut my eyes and see it yet. I can see my pupils coming forward to
for we were "dressed up." Many a head showed father had mowed it
with the sheepshears. Mother had been busy with the wash-rag--clear
"Mary's little lamb" come slipping over the stage. I see the
act on the bill to say farewell. It was customary to cry. I wanted
saying over and over until it would say itself. But somehow when I
mouth, it was a great opening, but nothing came out. It came out of
spatter on my six-dollar suit.
wept. It was a teary time. I only said, "Weep not for me, dear
Next day I drew my money. I had it all in one joyous wad--$240. I
was going home with head high and aircastles even higher. But I
never got home with the money. Talk about the fool and his money
For on the way home I met Deacon K, and he borrowed it all. Deacon K
but I paid all the money I got from it--two hundred and forty
from the books, that it takes less wisdom to make money, than it
does to intelligently handle it afterwards. Incidentally I learned
it may be safer to do business with a first-class sinner than with
Which is no slap at the church, but at its worst enemies, the foes
of its own household.
front rows with their families, and maybe all the old scores have
not yet been settled. The boy he fought with may be down there.
Perhaps the girl who gave him the "mitten" is there.
villains live there within striking distance. Perhaps they have
Then I went back to the little hotel and sat up alone in my room
half the night living it over. Time was when I thought anybody who
hotel has a superior order of vitality.
I got a truer perspective of life that night. Did you ever sit
alone with a picture of your classmates taken twenty-one years
before? It is a memorable experience.
charge of the world. They were so glad the world had waited so long
There was one boy in the class who was not naturally bright. It was
not the one you may be thinking of! No, it was Jim Lambert. He had
intellect. He was "conditioned" into the senior class. We all felt
a little sorry for Jim.
As commencement day approached, the committee of the class
speech that would do credit to such a brilliant class. They hid Jim
the community. The girl who was to become the poetess became the
the head of one of the big manufacturing plants of the South, with
a lot of men working for him. The committee that took him out
commencement, would now have to wait in line before a frosted door
it short, he's busy!" before they could break any news to him
alumni meeting. They hung it on the wall near where the oleander
Dull boy or girl--you with your eyes tear-dimmed sometimes because
a bit of cheer from the story of Jim?
Out of that fifty-four, one had gone to a pulpit, one had gone to
Congress and one had gone to the penitentiary. Some had gone to
found happiness and some had found unhappiness. It seemed as tho
almost every note on the keyboard of human possibility had been
it, or where Mammon had entered to pull it down. And I saw better
The boy who traded knives with me and beat me--how I used to envy
him! Why was it he could always get the better of me? Well, he went
years afterwards, he was doing time in the state penitentiary for
The "perfectly lovely" boy who didn't mix with the other boys, who
teacher's model boy. All the mothers of the community used to say
He'll be President of the United States some day, and you'll be in
believe Mr. Webster defines a model as a small imitation of the
because he hadn't the energy to be anything else. It was the boys
bumping--and who got it--who really grew.
I have said little about the girls of the school. Fact was, at that
spotlight, primping and flirting. She outshone all the rest. But it
popularity for success. The boys voted for her, but did not marry
her. Most of the girls who shone with less social luster became the
happy homemakers of the community.
her grace and sweetness thru it all, and the influence of her
white, loving life radiated far.
a loving father, plenty of money, opportunity and a great career
awaiting him. And he was bright and lovable and talented.
I was the janitor of the schoolhouse. Some of my classmates will
never know how their thoughtless jeers and jokes wounded the
sensitive, shabby boy who swept the floors, built the fires and
my daily bread. Seemed like it took so much bread!
How easy it is to see as you look backward. But how hard it is to
It was the story of the boy who had every opportunity, but who had
a fortune, broke his father's heart, shocked the community, and
finally ended his wasted life with a bullet fired by his own hand.
It revived the memory of the story of Ben Hur.
Do you remember it? The Jewish boy is torn from his home in
committed. Ben Hur did not get a fair trial. Nobody can get a fair
he pulls on the oar. Day after day he writhes under the sting of
That seems to be your life and my life. In the kitchen or the
the oar and pulling under the sting of the lash of necessity. Life
galleys in the other chariot pitted against him. Down the course
will win?" "The man with the stronger forearms," they whisper.
There comes the crucial moment in the race. See the man with the
by grim necessity, every honest effort is laid up at compound
those around us fall--and it is won with the forearms earned in the
and for the circumstances that compelled it.
University of Hard Knocks.
THERE is a little silvery sheet of water in Minnesota called Lake Itasca.
There is a place where a little stream leaps out from the lake.
this little creek?"
"Creek! It bane no creek. It bane Mississippi river."
It wabbles around thru the woods of Minnesota. It doesn't know
where it is going, but it is "on the way."
It keeps wabbling around, never giving up and quitting, and it gets
It is the place where gravity says, "Little Mississippi, do you
The little Mississippi starts south. He says to the people,
"Goodbye, folks, I am going south." The folks at Itascaville say,
to go south. He has not much water, but he does not wait for a
south. He picks up a little stream and he has some more water. He
of what it seems to me our lives should be. I hear a great many
orations, especially in high school commencements, entitled, "The
haven't heard it, let us keep our ear to the receiver and live a
It is a divine call--the call of our unfolding talents to be used.
That is why I am making it the slogan of my life--GO ON SOUTH AND
GROW GREATER! I hope I can make you remember that and say it over
each day. I wish I could write it over the pulpits, over the
You and I start well. We go on south a little ways, and then we
retire. Even young people as they start south and make some little
So many of those young goslings believe that. They quit and get
It makes them work harder.
But contentment with present achievement is the damnation of the race.
smattering and squeeze into the bottom position and never go on
not recognized. They do not make it visible.
Nine out of ten stenographers who apply for positions can write a
few shorthand characters and irritate a typewriter keyboard. They
think that is being a stenographer, when it is merely a symptom of
capitalization and punctuation. Their eyes are on the clock, their
I could not play so well with such little practice." The poor
is the opiate that Nature administers to deaden the pains of mediocrity.
are so prone to say, "I am aging rapidly." It pays to advertise. We
We are only children in God's great kindergarten, playing with our
A-B-C's. I do not utter that as a bit of sentiment, but as the
eternal youth. It is the one who stops who "ages rapidly." Each day
brings us a larger vision. Infinity, Eternity, Omnipotence,
moment for all the years before it. I have their footings at
Yesterday I had a birthday. I looked in the glass and communed with
have quit going on south and have gotten gray on the inside--or bald.
list, retires himself. He quits going on south.
person in the pulpit, in the schoolroom, in the office, behind the
I ought to know more about it by this time. But when anybody says,
"Please don't throw it up to me now. I am just as ashamed of it as
O, I want to forget all the past, save its lessons. I am just
I was so dissatisfied with what little I knew. He told me I could
never get any better. I had reached my limit. Those lectures were
the "limit." I shiver as I think what I was saying then. I want to
the people on the platform who were contented with their offerings,
Some people seem to string out to near a hundred years with mighty
gripping audiences with the fire and brilliancy of youth, is
acting, for she remains the "Divine Sarah" with no crippling of her
multitudes in his employ. He was an ardent Odd Fellow, and one day
the home was a row of old men inmates. The senator shook hands with
get up, either."
"Senator, I'm old in body and old in spirit. I'm past sixty."
When I was a little boy I saw them bring the first phonograph that
cheered when they heard it talk.
You would laugh at it today. It had a tinfoil cylinder, it
screeched and stuttered. You would not have it in your barn today
arrived." They would have put in their time litigating for their
rights with other people who would have gone on south with the
Mr. Edison has said that his genius is mainly his ability to keep
before I hit upon that."
started south. It took him eighty years to get ready. Moses did not
eighty. He went on south into the extra editions after that!
pitching horseshoes up the alley and talking about "ther winter of
time" when he becomes the leader of the Israelite host.
what is this we hear? You going to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land?
And keep out of the night air. It is so hard on old folks."
They appoint a committee to bury Moses. You cannot do anything in
America without a committee. The committee gets out the invitations
Then I see the committee waiting on Moses. That is what a committee
does--it "waits" on something or other. And this committee goes up
to General Moses' private office. It is his busy day. They have to
stand in line and wait their turn. When they get up to Moses' desk,
the great prophet says, "Boys, what is it? Cut it short, I'm busy."
The committee begins to weep. "General Moses, you are a very old
committee duly authorized to give you gorgeous burial. The funeral
until he consents. It is bad manners! The committee is so
mortified, for all the invitations are out. It waits.
Moses is eighty-six and the committee 'phones over, "Moses, can you
attend it. I haven't even time to think about getting old."
The committee waits. Moses is ninety and rushed more than ever.
himself. But he makes the committee wait.
He is a hundred. And the committee dies!
So God buried him. The committee was dead. O, friends, this is not
irreverence. It is joyful reverence. It is the message to all of
absorbed in our going that we'll fool the "committee."
All the multitudes of the Children of Israel died in the Wilderness.
I am so sorry for the folks who quit, retire, "get on the shelf" or
they do with them when they get them there? They would be dill
the horrors of childhood could not be hired to live it over again.
anybody who gets shortchanged regularly, it is a child. I am so
sorry for a child. Hurry up and go on south. It is better on south.
Waiting till the "Second Table"
my chances living it thru again. I am not ungrateful to my parents.
I inherited was a Godly example and a large appetite. That was
about all there was to inherit. I cannot remember when I was not
I never sit down as "company" at a dinner and see some little
children going sadly into the next room to "wait till the second
and mother would stretch it clear across the room and put on two
jelly. We had so much jelly--red jelly, and white jelly, and blue
had it we had it on that table. All the jelly that ever "jelled"
jelly tremble? I used to think it ought to tremble, for Elder Berry
ever saw. She would make a hollow in the top and fill it with
would say, "Hurry, mother, it is going to spill!" O, how I wanted
to spill it! I could hardly hold out faithful.
And then Elder Berry would sit down at the table, at the end
nearest the fried chicken. The "company" would sit down. I used to
"company" had to come and gobble it up. They would fill the table
and father would sit down in the last seat. There was no place for
me to sit. Father would say, "You go into the next room, my boy,
and wait. There's no room for you at the table."
you felt like the Mammoth Cave? I used to think as I would sit in
I would watch them thru the key-hole. It was going so fast. There
was only one piece of chicken left. It was the neck. O, Lord, spare
good time, it's a child. Life has been getting better ever since,
It's Better on South
with fuzz on his upper lip, but he'll be happier when his lip feels
circumference. But every year we go south increases our capacity
So we cannot grow old. Our life never stops. It goes on and on
today it is such a relief to look people in the face and say,
think if people in an audience only knew how little I know, they
But some day I shall know! I patiently wait for the answer. Every
It will take an eternity to know an infinity!
What a wonderful happiness to go on south to it!
the river. It is many feet high, and many, many feet long. The
obstacle and sweeps over it on south.
power to vitalize the valley. A hundred towns and cities radiate
the light and power from the struggle. The great city of St. Louis,
many miles away, throbs with the victory.
the river, but it took the obstacle and the overcoming to develop
it and make it useful.
but it is all latent and does no good until we overcome obstacles
merely quitting.
they are decorating the hitching-racks and festooning the
have quit work and moved to town to block improvements and die. But
thought the past month. Sometimes they sit and think, but generally
they just sit. They have not gone south an inch the past year.
Here we come to the most wonderful and difficult thing in life. It
blessing nor cursing, not for popularity nor for selfish ends, not
for anything outside, but for the happiness that comes from within.
The valley throws its junk back upon the river. The valley pours
its foul, muddy, poisonous streams back upon the Mississippi to
all the prosperity they have, gives them power to turn their mills.
But the Twin Cities merely throw their waste back upon their
Itasca." No, he does not even go to live with his father-in-law.
He says, "Thank you. Every little helps, send it all along." Go a
few miles below the Twin Cities and see how, by some mysterious
and the defilement, he has purified it and clarified it, and has
made it a part of himself. And he is greater and farther south!
those streams that unite to form the treacherous, sinful,
become poisoned by bitter memories and bitter regrets. We carry
Oh, forget it! Drop it all. Purify your life and go on south all
Don't wait to be thanked. Hurry on to avoid the kick! Do good to
others because that is the way to be happy, but do not wait for a
wait. I know, for I have waited!
teacher, the editor, the man in office, the business man, the
for a better community, gets discouraged at times.
We fail to see what we are doing or why we are doing it. Sometimes
we sit down completely discouraged and say, "I'm done. I'm going to
quit. I have done my share. Nobody appreciates what I do. Let
somebody else do it awhile."
it deeper.
valley for praise or blame, for appreciation or lack of it. You do
it to live. You do it to remain a living river and not a stagnant,
if we are not praised or thanked for it, if people do not present
us a medal or resolutions, we want to quit. That is why there are
O, how easy it is to say these things, and how hard it is to do them!
science has not yet been able to put a bridge across it.
north perhaps fifteen hundred miles to the little struggling
writing the first chapter of this wonderful book in the running brook.
I thank God that I had gone a little farther southward in my own
And may we read it into our own lives. May we get the vision of
and thus making it a part of ourselves, and thus growing greater.
into the great Gulf of the Beyond, to go on south unfolding thru eternity.
HOW often we say, "I wish I had a million!" Perhaps it is a
blessing that we have not the million. Perhaps it would make us
lazy, selfish and unhappy. Perhaps we would go around giving it to
money with the least injury to the race!
itself and the tabby cat has its million. So the tabby cat has to
Necessity is the ballast in our life voyage.
mortified and broken-hearted? Thru it all there came the
Do you note that the tropics, the countries with the balmiest
conquering races are those that struggle with both heat and cold?
Crop failures and business stringencies are not calamities, but
blessings in disguise. People go to the devil with full pockets;
they turn to God when hunger hits them. "Is not this Babylon that
I have builded?" says the Belshazzar of material prosperity as he
handwriting upon the wall to save him.
before he would write his immortal "Pilgrim's Progress"? It may be
blind before writing "Paradise Lost" the world will always read?
He, too, had to be sent to prison to write his immortal messages to
humanity. What throne-rooms are some prisons! And what prisons are
commencement day with your diplomas in your hands, and when your
O UNIVERSITY OF HARD KNOCKS, we learn to love you more with each
great bump that struck me one morning in Los Angeles. It seemed as
tho twelve years of my life had dropped out of it, and had been
It is a wonderful experience to climb Mount Lowe. The tourists go
hundred feet up the side of a granite cliff, to the top of Echo Mountain.
The car is five thousand feet high where it stops on that last shelf,
Alpine Tavern. One cannot ride farther upward. This is not the summit,
but just where science surrenders. There is a little trail that winds
upward from Alpine Tavern to the summit. It is three miles long
at the summit of Mount Lowe is to get a picture so wonderful it
cannot be described with this poor human vocabulary. It must be
It spreads out below in one great mosaic of turquoise and amber
one could throw a pebble over into it. How a mountain does reduce
distances. You throw the pebble and it falls upon your toes!
The granite mountains rise higher to the northward, and to the east
This is one of the workshops of the infinite!
All alone I scrambled up that three-mile trail to the summit. All
alone I stood upon the flat rock at the summit and looked down into
that mountain sanctuary, for I was not searching for sublimity. I
I must go on up the mountain to see it.
struggles fit into a divine engineering plan to soften the
know it was one of the greatest blessings of my life. It closed one
gate, but it opened another gate to a better pathway up the mountain.
The glory of the sunset filled sea and sky with flames of gold and
valley was black with the shadow. It was night down there. The
people were saying, "The sun doesn't shine." But it was not night
up to the summit. The beams of the setting sun were yet gilding
Mount Lowe's summit. It was night down in the valley, but it was
Child of humanity, are you in the storm? Go on upward. Are you in
Some day my night will come. It will spread over all this valley of
the Mountain of Infinite Unfolding. I shall have risen perhaps only
This will be another Commencement Day and Master's Degree. Infinite
the number on up. "Eye hath not seen nor ear heard, neither have
"It is a great big boost for everybody who will read it. People
"The Big Business of Life is a real joy to read. It is big and
where. It is truly `A Book of Rejoicing'."
that it is everyone's business to abolish work and turn this
mortals take their work too seriously, and that to them it is a
find it when we are bending to our duties is to possess the
within, and not among the things that lie at our feet. The
book before us is wholesome and vivacious. It provokes many
a smile, and beneath each one is a bit of wisdom it would do us
a world of good to learn. It recalls the saying of the wise man
write us that they think it is even better than "The
University of Hard Knocks," which, they add, is
It's Up To You!
chapters in "The University of Hard Knocks."
bought 1000 copies of the booklet "It's Up to You!" and of it he
friend. I would rather be author of it than president of the bank."
Employers in every line of business are buying quantities of "It's
William Jennings Bryan says of the booklet "Go On South": "It is
Instruct us to send one of these booklets to your friends. It will
End of Project Gutenberg etext of "The University of Hard Knocks"

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