Use Singlish. It's so much cheaper, shorter, faster. Why do we insist on using the Queen's English, when Singlish is so much more economical and effective? Compare and see!
When going shopping... Britons : I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No Stock! ---
When returning a call... Britons : Hello, this is Mr Bean. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
S'poreans: Hello, who page? ---
When someone is in the way... Britons : Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
S'poreans: Lai, siam! or Siam, hor! or Skius! ---
When someone offers to pay... Britons : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S'poreans: no need lah ---
When asking for permission... Britons : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can pass or Not? ---
When asking to be excused... Britons : If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment.
S'poreans: Go toilet. Buay tahan ahh..... ---
When entertaining... Britons : Please make yourself right at home.
S'poreans: Don't shy shy lah.. ---
When doubting someone... Britons : I don't recall you giving me the money.
S'poreans: Got meh? ---
When declining an offer... Britons : I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
S'poreans: Doe-waaaan. ---
When deciding on a plan of action... Britons : What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out & all the restaurants are closed?
S'poreans: So how? ---
When disagreeing on a topic of discussion... Britons : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the policy.
S'poreans: Talk cock lah you! ---
When asking someone to lower their voice... Britons : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
S'poreans: Eh, Tiam leh! ---
When asking someone if he/she knows you... Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
S'poreans: See what see?!
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