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We all know that it is not easy to keep the sweetness of the initial relationship alive when demands from work and family keep mounting on us. Our daily lives can become a routine of work and we wonder where is the sweetness that we first experienced? It is worth checking from time to time if we are growing together or growing apart.

Here are some steps we can take to bring the sweetness back and grow together.

Remember what attracted you to each other in the first place

Was it music, dance, movie or books that you enjoyed sharing with each other when you first met? Revive your interest and enthusiasm with whatever you enjoyed in the beginning. Make a date with each other to go see a movie or read a good book together.

Do not let pettiness enter your relationship

In our daily lives it is necessary to share the workload and the financial responsibilities. However, watch out for pettiness or meanness entering your relationship. If you are upset about something, then voice your concerns without loosing the human decency. Always keep your relationship with each other above a certain level of respect and love.

Respect each otherís work and ideas

Once our relationship is established, it is easy to brand a person and predict what he or she will do or say in most matters. Yet, give your spouse a listening ear about his or her ideas. Show respect and interest in what is dear to him or her. Often it is easy to brush aside what your partner may have to say since you feel like you already know it, yet give him or her a chance.

Strengthen your partnerís weaknesses

One of the biggest problems of a close relationship is that the other person knows your weakest points. Do not ever take advantage of your partnerís weakness. Instead strengthen that weakness with what you have to offer. Remember that you two form a team that can face the world so if you are united, you can compensate for each otherís weaknesses. If not, the others can exploit both of your weaknesses.

Work as a team with your children

Often, children figure out a split in their parentís relationship and take advantage of the split. Even if you disagree with your partner about any discipline issue, let your children know that whatever you decide will be the result of both of your inputs.

Plan at least one uplifting activity together on a regular basis

Pick an activity that brings out your higher self. It can be a religious, social, volunteer or sport related activity. Plan this activity with some regular frequency. For example, decide that you will visit a local temple once a week or attend a book club together every month. To avoid getting into the rut, keep checking from time to time if you still enjoy this activity or try out different options. The goal is to get in touch with your higher ideals that may get lost in the routine of everyday life.

Keep the perspective

Often it is easy to lose perspective of life when we are so busy. Remind each other what is important in your life. For example if small events are creating stress in your family, remind yourself that in the long run what matters to you is the sweetness within family.

Keep checking

At every anniversary, keep checking to see if you are growing together Ė what interests you and how you have grown in last few years. Make amends in the areas where you think you may have missed some opportunities for growth. You can use your favorite activities as your barometer to see how you are growing. Have you created any new interest recently? Have you learnt to appreciate new kind of music?

Break the rut

Daily routine robs you of the sense of wonder and sweetness that once formed core of your relationship. Break the routine to see the tenderness in each other. Enjoy the moment for what it is. Being conscious of little wonders in life can help you see the beauty in everyday life and in each other.


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(last edited February 1, 2002 by Kishore Balakrishnan. Contact for feedback and suggestions) [info] [diff] [full] EditText of this page

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